Louisa Claire

Parenting

Coping…or not so much.

We went to Chesterfield Children’s Farm this week. It was supposed to be a “fun day out”, a day to spend enjoying each other’s company exploring the world… together.

And it was.

Bliss milked a cow! Bear held a Bunny! Gorgeous “firsts” in their little lives…

 


But I can tell I’m reaching the point of my pregnancy where my patience is whippet thin.

Little Bear is in the pre-verbal “zone” and spent most of the morning trapsing behind us whinging and crying because he wanted me to carry him.

I’m 28 weeks pregnant with reflux/indigestion in full swing and carrying a 15kg toddler around a farm was just. not. going. to. happen.

Bliss, bless her little heart, is actually quite lovely. But I am too short with her, too easily made cross by her very normal, very human ways…not 4 year old ways, just “person I spend all day with and who spends all day with me” ways.

I am not as patient or gentle as I would like and I know it but I can’t seem to change it.

I don’t like it and I don’t really know what do about it.

The Architect is going away for work for 8 nights in a couple of weeks (and let’s just point out that in our almost 7 years of marriage he has only once before travel overseas for work, and so this coming up when we have 2 children and I’m 32 weeks pregnant…what are the chances?!) and I’m starting to feel really worried about it. It’s not coping with the kids on my own so much that worries me, it’s treating them with the love, kindness and patience they deserve from me – for instance, not starting every day at 6am with me yelling at them that it’s not time to get up yet and that they need to be quiet!!

Because it’s not them, it’s me. I feel lost, tired, guilty and short tempered…and mostly, I feel like it’s completely beyond my control.

I remember being like this when I was heavily pregnant with Bear. I don’t want to be like that for the next 14 weeks.

The only thing I know I should do is NOT turn on the TV because our house is so much calmer and happier when it’s been OFF.

But it’s a bad cycle – I get overwhelmed so turn it on, then the kids get cranky and so I get more overwhelmed and so on and so on.

Sorry for the whinge folks…sometimes I’m just not a coper.

 

 


Thoughts on “Coping…or not so much.

  1. I know exactly how you feel. And then you loathe yourself on top of it all, which makes it 100 times worse. I actually found getting out of the house, while it was THE LAST thing my poor exhausted body wanted to do, broke up the days and I felt a bit better. I thought it would last til the end of my pregnancy, but ivehad a couple of really good weeks. I was so desperate I was getting all sorts of herbal depression remedies and everything. Hormones are a bitch! Hope yours pass soon… And that eight nights? That sucks. I hope you’ve got someone to help xx
    Veggie Mama recently posted..Kid food – lunchMy Profile

    • Thanks Stacey – I so appreciate you saying you “get it” because it just helps to know that it’s not just me – and yet I am sorry that you’ve been going through this too! I am finding getting out of the house good too and so long as I plan for it in advance rather than leaving it to the day to wing it, it’s a good plan. Unfortunately my inlaws are going to be overseas during the 8 days and my family live interstate so I will be truly flying solo – but it’s going to be ok…and it’s only 8 days.

  2. Oh Louisa, I struggle to stay patient, clm and kind at the best of times, let alone if I were pregnant! Be gentle with yourself xx

    Not to “spruik” at you or anything, but I did the Parent Welbeing Manifesto program recently and it really helped me focus on the kind of parent I wanted to be (patient, calm and kind – funnily enough) and how to get there. I’m about to do it again (in a rote learner, haha!).
    Daisy recently posted..Orange & Coconut Syrup CakeMy Profile

  3. Ok, the first thing to know is …. it’s perfectly normal and we’ve all been there. As you know, my kids are now big and I still have times like that – where the poor things just can’t do anything right. It’s more about exhaustion than pregnancy, although the pregnancy is currently causing your tiredness. These moods come and go and I’m sure it won’t last until the end of the pregnancy.

    • That’s so true – it’s the exhaustion not the pregnancy but it’s the pregnancy that’s causing the exhaustion and making it all a bit longer and more drawn out. Sigh. Thanks for your encouragement Lynda, it’s good to know I am not alone! xx

      • Heather said – ask for help. What can people that are around you do to help. Do it. :) and like all others have said, you are not alone. I woke up this morning at 4am crankier then hell… Snapped my way through breakfast, lunches and drop offs. Even managed to have an argument with my teenage daughter via text. So I’m feeling like mother of the year right now! And I still want to jump up and down and yell what about me!??
        Vicky recently posted..Pictures really do say 1000s of wordsMy Profile

  4. I was exactly the same with Bede…and still am truth be told if I haven’t got as much sleep as I’d like…which is most nights…it’s just hard isn’t it? Some things I found useful when Luke went away for a fortnight about 2 months ago: do a big cookup before he goes (maybe 2 or 3 different meals)…portion it out and freeze it…takes the edge off dinner if it’s all ready to go; arrange playdates before hand…it gives you some adult time to look forward to and gives the kids somefriends to take the edge off…
    Julia recently posted..Lions and Tigers and Bears…My Profile

  5. I totally get it. I am not coping at the moment, so much going on, and I’m not even pregnant! Sometimes parenting and life is just hard and it gets to us. I don’t have the answers and I know that it is ‘me’ that needs to change. I know if I were more patient things would be easier, but, ashamedly, it is much easier said than done.
    Take care. x
    Jodi Gibson aka Lipgloss Mumma recently posted..Slap me stupidMy Profile

  6. Oh you should definitely go easy on yourself. You are not the most awful parent in the world. You’re just normal. Having the kids in your face 24×7 just gets too much as you don’t get to be you and that can get really hard, esp when you’re in the midst of growing another in your belly.

    I agree with cooking ahead and batch freezing – that’s what kept me sane when Missy was born and I’ve done it a few times since. And definitely get yourself things into the schedule to amuse them and keep you sane. Playdates, whether it’s people coming to you, you going to them, or meeting somewhere, are all great. If you have any family close by, arrange to drop by at some point too as they will spoil the kids rotten, take the attention off you, and make you a brew to boot.

    We all deserve love, kindness and patience but don’t always get it. But kids are pretty resilient and very forgiving. They will still love you regardless and they will quickly forget. Do not beat yourself up over it.

    You will all get thru this.
    Kate recently posted..What we did last weekendMy Profile

  7. I hear you and I get it. I’m finding it easier now that Evelyn is here, because even when I’ve been up all night, it’s easier to be kind to your children when one of them is not headbutting your bladder. I found taking a cup of tea outside helped when I was pregnant and miserable. Even if the kids followed me, it wasn’t as bad as us all being inside.

    xxx
    Veronica recently posted..Dear Universe: It’s getting a bit ridiculous now.My Profile

  8. I get like this and I’m not even pregnant! Like Daisy, I’m about to do the Parent Wellbeing Course again because I failed it the first time! Patience can wear so thin, especially when every day feels like Groundhog day. Getting out and about really does make it easier, and even when I’m completely exhausted it’s better than trying to cope with hyperactive kids. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help while hubby is away. A play date?
    Laney recently posted..How to wear out your kids #001My Profile

  9. I know how you feel. I feel like I completely dropped the parenting ball while I was pregnant this year with Seb – juggling everything with my own physical and mental tiredness. It made me cry to see how enthusiastically my kids welcomed me home from hospital. Even now, although I am still making daily trips to the hospital to be with Seb I can feel the difference in my parenting of the other 2. So much more relaxed and patient. They will forgive you – don’t be afraid to go easy on yourself. Stay. In you pajamas, do easy meals, baby will be here soon enough
    Elise recently posted..10 Fingers, 10 Toes…..but a little earlyMy Profile

  10. OK, finally getting around to commenting on this! As you know I’ve just done this, so I know how daunting it is – I found the balance between keeping a little one busy while also doing things that were suited to my (low!) energy levels a bit tricky. But can I say I found the lead-up to it harder than the time he was away. (That is, I only yelled a couple of times ;))

    How I got through it was:

    Have things planned for every day – not too many big things because you don’t have energy to spare! but even just a coffee/play with friends or a vague idea of an outing with the kids. But make sure most of the plans are able to be cancelled if you get to the day and just can’t face it.

    Scale down work as much as possible – although I perhaps did this a bit too much and have had to do a big catch-up! Just keep up enough to not be drowning, but not so much that you’re worn too thin.

    Stock up on some little activities for the kids that you can bring out when you’re lost for what to do, or just need a few minutes peace. Play dough, necklace beading things, whatever works for your kids.

    Swallow all pride and ask for help from anyone you possibly can. Even an hour nap or a lunch out by yourself once or twice during the eight days will make a huge difference – and will be something to look forward to, to break it up a bit.

    Forget the housework!

    Good luck – I’m always here if you need to chat. x
    Megan @ Writing Out Loud recently posted..I’m having a babyMy Profile

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