Little Girls and Pretty Ears
The other night a very interesting conversation took place on FreeRange Mum’s Facebook page about whether or not parents felt comfortable getting their babies ears pierced.
What interested me was the number of responses from Mums who said that no they wouldn’t do it to their baby but would wait until the child was old enough – the age deemed old enough being, for most, about 5-6 years old (with a couple of 3-4 year olds mentioned too).
I was really surprised.
To me, earrings are a beauty thing – I love earrings and happily wear mine but I wouldn’t even consider letting Bliss get her ears pierced until she was in/entering high school. My gut reaction is to ask why would I encourage a child of aged 5 or 6 to think about their appearance in that way?
BUT, clearly there are a lot of parents out there who feel that at age 5 or 6 children are not only capable of making that decision but are old enough to start to accessorise in that way. And so, what I would love to know today is what do you think?
Incoming search terms:
- earrings for 10 year olds
- ear piercing in the 1960s
- pretty pierced ears
Mummble
Stitch Baby + Kids
Hmm my husband and daughter more or less made the decision for me. I was outvoted.
When i wrote a comment on one page about encouraging my children to respect their bodies and leave them perfectly made but if they really wanted it done then age 16 and above is when i will consent. one lady responded with “i’ll be laughing at you when your children are walking around with holes in their faces and boob jobs”
In my house the age is 16, if my children leave home and want to pierce eyebrows etc then it would be up to them as adults and i would do anything i could to help them make an informed decision.
I was not allowed to get my ears done til I was 18 and could afford to buy good quality earrings. I will be holding that line myself with Miss T. I don’t think it is appropriate for little girls to get their ears pierced and I was always taught that it looked cheap. T me it says that parents are encouraging their daughters to dress too old at far too young an age.
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Sometimes it’s a cultural thing and girls get their ears done really early ~1-2 years old. I think it’s up to the family. I got mine done without my mum’s permission when I was about 16. I paved the way for my sisters to get theirs done.
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i had mine done as a baby (is normal in NYC and always has been). I offered for my girls to have it done whenever they were ready and wanting it – took 2 years for A to get from wanting to willing (at 8yr old finally) and she loves them now. L (7 1/2) has no plans to do it and wears clip ons. I don’t see it as part of the beauty thing but rather fun, expression, fashion etc especially living in a city where every school wears uniforms (i prefer free dress and creative expression)and no jewellery allowed or anything creative – i think it is nice to be able to have some control over her earrings and pick colours she likes to go with her mood and interests.
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I got my ears pierced when I was 7 for my birthday, after pestering my Mum for ages and ages coz lots of my friends had them done and so did my closest cousins (they got theirs done when babies). I really wanted them because I was obsessed with shiny things and was always wearing clip on earrings, plus my grandfather was a jeweller and he made my cousins some special earrings for their birthdays which I thought were so lovely I wanted some of my own. My other sisters got them done at various ages after 7 if they wanted to, 7 was the youngest Mum would allow it but we only got them done if we really wanted them. I’m not a fan of getting babies ears done, if my daughter decides at 7 she would like hers done I’ll let her but only if she understands she has to look after them. I do look forward to passing on my special earrings from grandpa when she is old enough. It’s an interesting one, I think it depends a lot on what you were brought up with as to your own opinion on it.
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My daughter ( now 12) wanted them done since I can remember….I set the date – her 10th birthday which I thought was old enough and gave her something to look forward to. When you do do it, make sure its not at the beginning of the year if your daughter plays netball … they have to come out whether they are ready or not.
This is a really personal decision.
It is certainly not a choice I would make for my daughters, I see no reason to inflict any pain on them at any time, even if it is only briefly.
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Like you, we try not to focus on appearance (which is hard with a girly girl who is very into everything princess right now!) There is no cultural significance with ear piercing for us, so our girls will be allowed to get theirs done when they start high school, if they want to. This was when I was allowed to pierce mine and it was a nice rite of passage to go with my Mum to get it done.
I’m nearly 45 and have never had my ears pierced but I’m a rarity. Given I’ve got a couple of boys, it’s not at all on my radar, nothing girly is. But lately I’ve been reading about inappropriate clothing for girls, etc, etc, and am thinking that it would be difficult to raise a girl in this environment. Mothers of boys have to worry about them driving their cars too fast and making risky decisions but that doesn’t come til later! Girls grow up or mature so much quicker – not sure I’d cope!
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I had mine done at 16 and although I wanted them earlier then, as an adult I respect my Mum’s decision and think it was wise. I was an active girl and we had a friend who had her earring ripped out of her ear (and lobe torn as a result) while playing and it certainly made me realise the risk of them being done young – why risk that sort of injury on an active child? I still haven’t decided when my girls will get it done but it definitely will be at least later high school, and all will be the same age. Good point about not encourage thoughts on appearance early also.
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For me when I had my ears pierced it was a coming of age thing – I think I had it done at 13. So that’s always what I had in mind for my girls as well.
I also think it will be nice for them to be old enough to actually remember it and make a more conscious decision about it.
Riley’s 4 and has never asked about ear piercing although she has a few clip on earrings for dressup.
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I had my ears pierced at 5, but haven’t worn earrings since I was 16 and working in a kitchen (they’re an OH&S risk). For me, I’ll let my girls pierce their ears when they are old enough to go to a piercing salon and get them done professionally. I might be wrong, but I think they need to be 12/13 for that.
I will NOT allow them to get their ears pierced with a piercing gun at a hairdresser or chemist. No way. I’ve had one of my ear piercings for 12 years and the other for 19 years and they both still have issues (infection, scar tissue) and I blame the gun. My third piercing (ear still) was done with a needle and has never gotten infected and doesn’t have the scar tissue inside the hole like the other two.
So that’s my opinion, which is more about the safety of the piercing and how awful I think piercing guns are, (do you know that they can’t be sterilised between clients? Ick), rather than about beauty.
Funnily enough though, I don’t think many girls in Amy’s class have their ears pierced, whereas when I was her age, every girl did. And because of that, Amy hasn’t even asked, or thought about it. Makes it easy :-)
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I wouldn’t even think about it before my child started school. It would be a flat out no.
After that it would be something I would have to play in a case by case situation. Why do they want it? How mature is my child in being able to understand it and care for their piercing properly. I would say around 10 would be an age I’m comfortable with, but again this could be later or earlier depending on the child. I think a five or six year old really would be too young to be able to care for their piercing, but maybe an eight or nine year old…
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I would never do it if they weren’t old enough to ask for it themselves. I also wouldn’t want my babies/toddlers or preschool aged kids to have pierced ears because I think it looks feral. I have an 11 year old daughter, a six year old son and a four year old daughter, and thus far none have asked for it. I think even if they do, I’d prefer they at least be high school aged.
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I seem to be the only person to respond (so far) that had her daughters’ ears pierced when they were little. I had my ears pierced when i was 3 years old. Mainly, it was for cultural reasons. My father was Italian, so it was important to him and his family as a tradition. This was in the 1960s, you understand, so things were rather different. As for my mother – who was a Skip – she was really thrilled when my grandmother asked if I would be allowed. For my mum, it was a sign of honouring and helping me to keep touch with my fathers culture. My mum would have done it sooner, but in those days it was secret wog business and she didn’t have a clue how to arrange it. It wasn’t until I was in Year 7 that the earring craze hit, thanks to the staple gun. In the holidays between terms 1 & 2 about 75 girls in my cohort of 100 got their ears pierced. It was hilarious. All of a sudden something that branded me as a wog became fashionable!
When I had my daughters it was important for me to carry on some of the traditions I grew up with, so I had both girls ears pierced when they were about 15 months old. Just in time for their baptisms. Those 2 things go together traditionally. But I did discuss it with my husband, and waited until they were toddlers in respect of his wishes. In retrospect, I would do it even younger. All the care was my responsibility, they never got infections because they were unconscious of the pain of piercing, or the discomfort of keeping the new piecings clean, etc. Both are very proud of their ears, but not from a “pretty pretty” girly thing, but because of the tradition and family history.
You all bring up some very interesting points about bodily integrity, coming of age, and vanity aspect of young girls getting their ears pierced. I think those are new to me because ear piercing was about identity and culture, rather than having anything to do with looks, etc.
Any way, I thought I’d provide this for food for thought.
With both my girls I said that they could get theirs ears pierced when they were 7 years old. I figured at that age they would be old enough to look after earrings etc. With my 2nd daughter there was great pressure to get them done earlier as some of her friends got theirs done at age 5. But I stuck to my decision – it didnt seem fair to change the rules for her when her sister had waited until 7. Now piercings in any other part of the body…..they can wait till they leave home for that!! ;)
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I had mine done at about 7. It’s not something I have to worry about now, having three boys, but I think I’d allow my fictitious daughters to get their’s done about the same age, if they wanted it done. I don’t think simple studs are too decorative or embellished; in fact, I think they look a lot better than some of the beaded necklaces and bracelets that toddlers get around in!
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I’ll be waiting til Miss K is much older. I had mine done at 13/14 so most likely then or older if she wants them done.
My inlaws suggested we get them done when she was younger & i stood my ground and said no. Personally think young girls don’t need them done.
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It doesn’t really bother me. I wouldn’t do it when my child is a baby. But if they were four and that is all they went on about because they really really wanted it. I’m not fussed. That said, I don’t have my ears pierced, so daughters do what mothers do, my daughter doesn’t really have any desire. She just thinks about the pain, and that suits me just fine.
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I had my ears pierced when I was 13. I first thought we would allow my daughter at 10. But, as a child who knows her own mind and is (and was) very capable of making decisions for herself, she had them done when she was 5. She began asking, and we talked about it, about how it would hurt, I explained the whole process in graphic detail. She still wanted to have it done. It is after all her body and it was her well informed choice.
My daughter, like me has an allergy to certain metals, so she has always worn silver earrings. I have absolutely no problem with her having had them done at a young age. The quip that pierced ears on a young child looks cheap is a very loaded statement. One I find loaded with judgement and generalisations. It is making an appearance value statement about a child based on her ears.
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I had this discussion with a colleague at work today. His wife wants to get their 3 year old daughter’s ears pierced for her birthday (turning 3) but he doesn’t agree. I am definitely against it in young children – I just don’t like the look. My sister in law let her kids get theirs done for their 10th birthdays and that sounds like a good idea to me – so I will probably say the same (my daughter is only 3 – so a while to go yet).
I only have boys, so don’t plan on letting them get their ears pierced. I remember being around 10 and desperately wanting my ears pierced, but I had to wait till 13 or 14 which I think is reasonable.
It was going to be 13 for my daughter (same age as I had mine done) but I caved in (?)/ decided it was okay when she turned 11. It was still a rite of passage for her and she gets pleasure out of her pretty ears. Very much a personal/cultural choice, methinks.
I got mine done at 6 as a consolation prize as I was so devastated about both my front teeth falling out a week before I was a flower girl.
My friends all have 10 year old girls and they all got their ears pierced for their 10th birthday.
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I got mine done at age five after cosmetic surgery on my ear.
I will let my children get theirs pierced when they ask. After I use it as a bargaining chip. i.e. sure, you can get your ears pierced.. if you keep your room tidy for x long or pass that math test, or whatever I come up with at the time.
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My ears were pierced when I was a baby. Again, it’s a cultural thing with me, my mother is Filipino and almost all the women on her side of the family have pierced ears often from a very young age (I remember my cousin getting hers done when she was four). It might be a pain thing too, because the skin is tender when younger and easier to pierce (naturally I remember nothing of mine). For me personally, I wasn’t interested in jewellery at all as a child (I’m still sporadic about it now) and I don’t think I even took my sleepers out until I was in high school. But I do remember other girls in late primary/early high school going through the motions of wanting pierced ears and having to go through their parents etc. In particular I remember one girl getting a particularly bad infection after getting hers done. I’ve also had friends go down the DIY route (never to be recommended even if they’re still around to tell the tale :P). I never even thought about my own pierced ears until other girls bring up theirs. Personally, while growing up it was one less thing to worry about, and I don’t regret someone else make the decision for me in this case.
Pierced ears were never really on my radar (my mum never had hers done) until my grandmother gave me a beautiful pair of gold ear rings she’d had for many years from a trip in Europe as a young woman. I guess I was about 17/18. Anyway I had never ending infections and after a year I gave up, only to have them re-pierced about 4 years later when I was bridesmaid for a friend and had to wear ear rings (!!). By the age of 25 I had totally given up – the infections never fully cleared up. And now 15 years later the scars have finally gone away. So given my experience I would never let my daughter get her ears pierced until she is at least 16 – I would want her to fully understand the possible pit falls and know that she understands this, I would hate for her to blame me in any way if she happened to have the same reaction as I had. For awhile there I wished I’d listened to my mum and never had my ears pierced – but hey, sometimes you have to try things out for yourself ;-p
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I know a lot of people do it for cultural reasons but I couldn’t imagine letting my daughter get hers done before high school.
I was always given the rule that I couldn’t get mine done till I finished high school (due to the restrictions of wearing earrings at school), but I did eventually get mine done at 15.
I have to say, I was really shocked when my s-i-l let her daughters get their ears pierced at 6. She’s a very strict parent, so I just assumed she’d wait to high school, but I’ve gotten used to it now.