Louisa Claire

Being A Mum

And then there were five

On the eve of Little Blue’s 1st birthday I find myself reflecting on the changes that have come with his arrival over the past year. It would be easy to skip over documenting this because putting them to words feels quite hard; how do I convey all that is in my heart when I feel two equally strong, but very different emotions?

I felt like the luckiest woman alive the day that Bluey was born; in a way it felt like I was finally born myself when he arrived. Perhaps it was the endorphin’s flowing through me after my surprise epidural-free delivery? Perhaps it was that I had mentally prepared myself to slow down in the weeks and months following his birth allowing me to truly embrace that time? Perhaps it was something totally beyond my ability to control! Whatever the reason, he completely stole my heart the moment he was placed in my arms and I can’t imagine my life, nor our family, without him.

 

Baby Blue 2

Baby Blue 9

{photo credit: Teacup Ballet}

At the same time, this past year, has been hands down the hardest year of my parenting life so far. Everything is just ‘always’ – there’s never a moment where no one needs us or needs something from us. I have never juggled so much, spent so much time in doctors waiting rooms and hospitals, nor felt so frazzled.

All this has made it the most physically challenging, exhausting and most sacrificial year that we’ve experienced so far. I have had to accept that my life is permanently altered as a mother and while I am deeply grateful for the gift of motherhood and the gift of each of my beautiful, incredible children I have also realised the impact of the a personal cost attached to caring for little people, however delightful they might be.

I have found writing this post somewhat uncomfortable for I fear that it paints Bluey in a negative way – that in saying I find two children easier to three I am saying that I find Bliss and Bear easier than Bluey. It’s not so much whether you, dear reader, might judge me but that one day my children might misunderstand. Is this the challenge of the ‘mummy blogger’? To convey how two equal but opposite emotions can be held together in a way that feels bizarrely harmonious?!

It is truly hard to imagine a more delightful, easy going, charming little baby that could have joined our family than Bluey. I completely adore him! And I am so grateful for him, not just because he’s been the perfect addition to our little family and is doted on by us all (the other children love him so much I can’t believe they haven’t squished him into a tiny ball already) but because of the ways I have changed because he joined our family, and for the ways I have become a better mother because he is here.

Bluey

 {photo credit: Teacup Ballet}

I thought I would be sad to say goodbye to babyhood when his birthday came around but, as he perches on the cusp of toddlerhood I just feel so very excited about what comes next!

 
Happy birthday my sweet, beautiful, Bluey!
 
 


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