So, I was starting to worry about the black dog…
The past 24hours the level of overwhelm and stress in my life reached new levels. I’ve felt anxious and cranky. a lot.
Yesterday I could hardly wake up. I felt so. tired.
I put it down to getting sick…Bear has a cold and I have caught it.
That’s tiring right? Especially on a body that’s already a bit drained from breastfeeding an infant. Right?
Today I woke up feeling teary from the get go. Little things that shouldn’t have touched me, had me in state of knots.
I had a drafted a post about having three children. I wanted it to be light and funny but it was coming together dark and gloomy instead.
I read Veronica’s post and she reminded me that depression lies. And I remembered that I know that.
So I tried to step back and see the lies and beat them down.
This morning I realised that for the first time in two years I’ve got Bliss home with me full time. And now we’ve got Bluey, that’s three children. full time. by myself.
This is a level of “full-on-ness” I’ve not experienced before.
I was thoroughly spoilt at Mum and Dad’s with the kids going straight to them every morning, Mum looking after the shopping…and the washing. (yes I was super super spoilt).
And now I am home. The house is dusty because we’ve been gone so long. The kids are itching for activity. There are toys everywhere and my hands are constantly full. The house remains unmentionable and the only reason I am writing this blog post is because I am on hold on the phone.
It’s not the black dog that’s haunting me, it’s just re-entering the normal atmosphere of life.
This isn’t a whinge, just a pause. Just a comment on how full life is with three… my heart is overflowing but so are my hands.
My hat goes of to you who juggle like this all the time…and those who have been juggling for longer than me. (oh, and any words of advice or wisdom will be most gratefully received).