Getting Real About Me Time
Me Time. We mothers talk about it a lot. Not getting enough, just had some, see it on the horizon, need it now, hand-me-a-large-pinot-stat.You name it, we’ve said it. But what is it exactly that we’re after?
I used to think it was time to myself, to do my own thing - whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. But, I’ve come to realise that I was confusing ‘me time’ with a basic human need: rest.
Sleep and rest are essential. Hair cuts, waxing, grocery shopping and exercise are functional. Girl’s Nights Out, movies, and lunch dates and bonuses BUT they are life giving bonuses.
I think that when we talk about ‘me time’ what we are talking about is going beyond the essential and functional to that which is life giving; to those things that give us the added energy and ‘spark’ to approach life with enthusiasm.
I’ve included hair cuts and waxing as functional because for me, they are. Add a lunch or coffee date with a friend to them and they are life giving. However, for another person those activities might be truly refreshing. That is both the mystery and beauty of people – we have the same needs but different expressions of them.
It didn’t occur to me until recently that ‘doing my own thing’ used to mean catching up with friends.
It also didn’t occur to me until recently that it still does.
It’s just taken me almost 3 years to figure it out, and do it without feeling overwhelmingly guilty. Guilty about the time, the money and the fact I am doing something fun without The Architect.
As I alluded to in my former post, I’ve recently discovered that a Girls Night Out ticks all the boxes for me. Away from the kids, feeling special, space to talk and enjoy the company of a great friend.
The Architect enjoys after work drinks at the pub or trip to the footy.
The lingering thought is, what about us time? Time for The Architect and I to share our dreams, talk about things other than the kids and eat without wondering which child will start crying first. Time to remember all the reasons we fell in love, rather than the reasons that sustain our love each day. It’s the latter than build a strong marriage but it’s the former that stir the heart.
Me Time. It’s pretty bloody important. For one, it gives you the space to realise it’s time to stir your heart again.
Mummble
Stitch Baby + Kids
Oh I like the way you think (and make me think). What a great reflection and one I think many of us mummies need to hear. This post really speaks to me Lousia. Nice work :O)
Caz (thetruthaboutmummy) recently posted..Hurry up Miss Jane
Thanks Caz, as always x
I need to heed your advice. I’m definitely not getting enough “me time” at the moment. And hubby and I certainly need some time alone together. Great post!
Kellie recently posted..NEWS- New Zealand’s darkest day
How are you going finding some time? Let me know how you go. x
Yes, yes, yes. Well put! I hope many mothers will come here and read these words.
Hubs and I need more ‘us’ time, too. But, that’s not so easy – it’s on the ‘to do’ list, which just keeps getting longer and longer.
Becky recently posted..Wordless Wednesday- Baby Boys
So true, so true! I hope you find some soon xx
Hi there :)
just stopping by to say I am excited about meeting you at the Aussie Blogger’s Conference in March!
Carly
http://carlyfindlay.blogspot.com
And I you!
I am slowly venturing into some me time. It is hard not to feel guilty.
Tiff recently posted..I do take photos of other things
So true but so worth it. Good luck!
As well as “me” time, I’ve discovered that I’d love to spend “family” time with the kids – if they just behaved for a minute.
Sometimes I think I need to “get away” from the kids, and once I’m away from them I miss them so.
I think this will improve once they get a bit older and “family” time isn’t so much work.
Until they do, I’ll take that “me” time whichever way it comes!
Romina Garcia recently posted..Juvenile Delinquents
Good point! For me, a bit of life-giving time makes it much easier forme to really enjoy the family time. Still working on that “us time” though!
Oh you write so well, I always enjoy reading you posts {coming to you this time from Becky}. I too touched on us-time even before reading your post; how funny! x
Carly Webber recently posted..I think my husband is after my job!
Thanks Carly, that’s really kind. Off to read your post now (finally!)
I agree that ‘me time’ is such an important thing … and I’m currently working to enjoy a but more of it regularly. Also, planning a bit more ‘us time’ now my boy is sleeping better. It’s been so long since me and my husband have had a dinner out together, and you’re right it’s pretty, bloody important to get the chance and space to reconnect again.
Belinda recently posted..Mastering the art of balance
Good luck (on the sleep & dinner fronts) let me know how you go. x
love this. I am a big believer in the ‘me time’ principle and especially the ‘us time’ principle too! both are very important and it makes a big difference in my life when I have them both planned into my schedule.
One big treat I like to do once a year is stay away somewhere over night by myself. It does not have to be somewhere expensive – super nice if it is! – just to clear my thoughts, refocus and to do a few things I want to do…by myself.
I often come home feeling refreshed and feeling like a new woman. It also gives me something to look forward to. Sorry – almost writing a blog post here! Ha!
Well, I love that you are offering up a new reflection and I agree with your thoughts. Dump the guilt and plan it in.
Naomi x
Naomi Ellis recently posted..Disney – Beverly Hills Chihuahua 2
I love that idea of the overnight retreat just for you – I can see that being just awesome! I’m planning on a girls weekend at least for this year.
Great post…I think what it also means, as do all your comments, is that we need a balance in our lives to ensure we are able to be the best parent, friend, partner, daughter etc Sometimes it is having time to ourselves, sometimes it is with others. I recently went away with my husband for one night in the city, which meant 4 meals together (and a few wines). Was great to actually talk!
Oh that sounds like bliss!! As soon as Bear is sleeping well through the night I’m booking a hotel and a babysitter :)
So true Louisa! You’ve communicated it so perfectly :) At our MoPs (Mothers of Pre-Schoolers) group this morning someone came to talk about the chemistry of relationships, and he referred to me-time as “self care”.
A girls night out refreshes me too :)
Alice recently posted..Things can only get better
The language of “self-care” is wonderful, it reminds us that this isn’t “selfish” or “demanding” it’s about taking steps to ensure we remain emotionally, physically and spiritually healthy – and that’s good for everyone!
Oh, it’s so easy to feel guilty about ‘me’ time or ‘us’ time, but we so need it! I find if I don’t make a conscious effort to plan it in somewhere, it doesn’t become a priority and then I get so worn out. Happy mummy = happy family.
Debbie recently posted..Heartbroken and Helpless
So true!!
This is such a great post and one that will resonate with most mothers. Me time is so important and I really like how you distinguish between rest, function and me time, there really is a difference between them. You write so well Louisa, I’m so glad that I’ve found your blog!
Tracy recently posted..Slow cooker Beef Massaman Curry
Thanks Tracy, I really appreciate your encouragement and am glad you found the post helpful. x
Ah, the elusive “me time” conundrum… I know it well! Each time I am blessed with some of this elixir, I invariably spend it feeling guilty for indulging myself, or its hidden under the guise of grocery shopping solo or running errand in peace. I hope you find your equilibrium – for me the search goes on!
Thanks Donna, it’s so hard! Part of me feels it’s a culture we create a bit as women and we need to break it. I had someone, who should know better (!) say to my husband that he was doing the “real work” because he’s employed and I’m at home. I know they were just trying to encourage and affirm him but at the same time the implications are incredibly unhelpful and strengthen those guilty feelings.
This is a really interesting post. I never thought about the difference between functional and live giving me time. I rarely get to do ‘guilt-free’ me time that the line kind of gets blurred. I consider exercise time me time, because it is guilt-free…no, no it isn’t. My youngest makes me feel guilty about it every morning, because he misses out on cuddle time while I go for a run. Can’t win.
Shelly recently posted..10 Tips on How to Deal With the Chainsaw in Your Bed
Oh no, it does feel like that a lot. I’m really struggling with the no-excercise at the moment. Need to find a way to make it happen but how??
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Ah the elusive ‘me time’! :) I love the way you separate the essentials, because often we count those as me time, when they’re not! We don’t really have enough ‘us time’ either, but we’re working on it! I’ll have to start grabbing some ‘me time’ before this baby arrives!
Ash recently posted..March 2011 Aussie Mummy Bloggers Blog Carnival
Good luck with it! An exciting new turn to the adventure of family life :)
I love this Louisa!
Girls night are a big thing for me too – They don’t happen often but when they do happen, they are special and I always feel so refreshed (though possibly hungover) the next day.
I am also going to treat myself to a pedicure next Monday after uni. For no particular reason other than I deserve abit of me time – Away from the cooking, the cleaning, the fighting and the uni books!
Am sharing this on Twitter because I know many Mamas will appreciate the message here x
Good Golly Miss Holly! recently posted..Oh shiiiiiiit!
Thanks for this. The pedi sounds like an awesome idea!! Good luck with the study, it’s incredibly full on studying so good on you for doing it!!