It’s amazing how time flies! I wanted to go back to the Finding Purpose series which I never finished and found that I needed to read through some archives to remember where I was at. The last post was really thinking about how wewait.

A lot has happened since then so I can now write a little more specifically about my situation rather than in general terms.

A few weeks ago I had a couple of hours to myself and so I decided to go and sit in a cafe and take a book and my Bible with me. I started by writing down some personal goals I have and the skills I needed to develop in order to reach them. I have mentioned in a previous post that having LP was in many ways a marker for me in reaching the place I had hoped to be at in my late 20s. Deciding what to do next year is not just about doing what I have to do (earn some bucks) but a stepping stone for the next phase of my life…

Where and who do I want to be in my late 30s?

Inasmuch as I can determine that, when I look 10years down the track I see myself having finished having kids, being largely at home raising them, and having a home in which hospitality and ministry flows. I want to have a household that my kids enjoy being a part of and which they want to bring their friends into. I’d love for our house to be a home, a place where people feel welcome and comfortable. That means maintinaing and strenghtheing the quality of our marriage, faith and parenting. It also means becoming a better listener, quick to hear and slow to speak…

Having clarifeid this in my mind and on paper, that day as I ate my lunch I read through the book of James and God couldn’t have spoken more clearly to me than if He had given me a “book of Louisa”.

These words spoke particularly strongly to me,

“You do not have because you do not ask. You ask and you do not recieve because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions”. James 4:1-3

“Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. James 4:8

“For we all stumble in many ways. And if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body. If we put bits into the mouths of horses so that they obey us, we guide their whole bodies as well. Look at the ships also: though they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are guided by a very small rudder wherever the will of the pilot directs. So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things.” James 3:2-5 – next to this verse I wrote How we control what we say reveals how we control the rest of our lives. Bridle my tongue!

This is what I wrote next in relation to my old job where I have been on maternity leave,

I don’t need to be paid to contribue the gifts I have. It’s not good stewardship to employ me…I believe (my old job) is not where God wants me to be. (They) don’t need me.

I then read James 4:17 “So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin”

I finished my lunching feeling sure I had understood rightly, nervous about what it would means for me/us, and determined to speak to my boss about it all.

As is often the case, it didn’t take long for me to start having doubts.