Louisa Claire



Allergies and Etiquette

Posted January 26th, 2011 in Uncategorized.

It’s estimated that about 40% of Australians have an allergy of sorts and that around 20,000 children have an anaphylactic allergy*. While neither of my kiddos have allergies, lots of our little friends do and some severely so.

And so I wonder, what’s the etiquette? Or, to put it another way, do we have a social and moral responsibility to these little ones and if so, what is it?

Not long ago I took Bliss to a Colin Buchanan concert. I was heavily preggers with Bear at the time so HH got her ready. Not only did he give her peanut butter for breakfast, he was about to pop her in the car with remains of it dripping all over her when I caught site of her. While I understand why it didn’t occur to him, in my mind Bliss was potentially a walking, talking danger to another little child. Only after a thorough wipe down & change of clothes later did we set off.

I won’t make peanut butter sandwiches or similar if we are going to a public event or public place, like a swimming pool. I’ll also avoid giving Bliss any peanuts for breakfast before such an event just in case.

Though I’ve worked with kids for a long time and therefore have this stuff is on my radar, we’re still not immune to forgetfulness. The day after Bear was born my Mum packed Bliss up for kinder and sent her with a PB sandwich. HH got lecture about it when he picked her up & it wasn’t til he got home that he twigged. We just hadn’t thought to say anything.

Am I alone in this? In a society with increase allergies how do we take some corporate responsibility for the well being of our little people? I certainly think we should, and yet am quite sure that some would consider it “not my problem”.

Do you think about allergies when you prepare food for your kids ? For those of you who are parents of child/ren with allergies , or perhaps are allergic yourself, what are your expectations of friends and of the goodwill of strangers at a public event, concert or venue? What advice would you give me to help me make life that bit easier for you, or does it not make a difference?

*source: here

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Thoughts on “Allergies and Etiquette”

  1. Hi,

    The peanut problem seems to be getting worse, so I figure we might as well get used to being aware of it now. I like your system of keeping peanuts away from public places (whether in food form or food-on-the-face-of-a-child form). But aren’t many children also anaphylactic to other nuts? Or egg? Where is the line?

    I don’t think we’ll ever be able to be aware of all the things that people are (or will be) allergic to, but with common things like peanuts, doing things like the measures you have taken seem reasonable to me.

    I wonder, if the trend of allergies keeps growing (especially once you add in the nuumber of people who are intollerant to gluten, lactose, fructose), whether we’ll end up with a society of “pack your own” food. Imagine parties!

    Meanwhile, I think it’s pretty funny to see a post like this under the large (and beautiful) heading, “Everything is edible”!
    :)

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  3. I think I must be in the minority in that I don’t know anyone with life-threatening allergies. I’m pretty sure I have taught some though. And I sometimes feel guilty about my attitude when a couple of schools I taught at went nut free for staff as well as students. As a nut muncher sometimes, I like to think that I can munch away on nuts as a healthy alternative to other things I may munch like pringles or chips. But when schools go nutless, it is not only the kids who are affected. The parents are bereft of a quick, healthy and easy lunch choice in case their child comes into contact with maybe one student in a few hundred (a student they may never sight let alone touch). The staff will do it (grudgingly quite often) because they are more likely to come into contact with such a student. But as a peanut butter LOVER who will add it to cakes, biscuits and as much other things as I can, it feels like an imposition on my freedom to eat what I want. Not to mention I’d love to feed my little one on some of my lunchbox favourites, but now can’t…and I know he can have them at home but still…

    That is the unGodly response to something that is indeed our corporate responsibility. And if I or my little one were responsible for the illness or (God forbid) death of another due to my own selfishness then I would be devastated.

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    • Hey Julia, thanks for your honesty. I think many people feel the way you do and yet, if it were my child or if my actions hurt another child as you say, it would be just awful. We are peanut butter lovers too but I do feel that it’s just not worth the risk.

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  4. I’m a little torn here. First I’d like to ask the question: why is there an increase in these sorts of allergies. I think researchers need to look into this side of things to give insight for the public. It would be great to know if there is a source problem rather than just attacking the issue from top down.

    On the other hand I DO know people with severe allergies and it’s a terrible thing. I think, especially in schools, it ‘s a good idea to be responsible and considerate of severe allergies. I NEVER send peanuts (or peanut butter & nutella) to school. And my kids rarely eat peanut butter at home either. I’ve never thought about them eating it before we go somewhere. Responsibility? Yes, like many things, we can make small changes to make a difference — it’s important but then, we can’t live in a bubble either.
    Kelly B recently posted..5 Ways to Regain Lost Ground with a Young ChildMy Profile

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  5. I am so glad you wrote this blog. I was thinking about posting an Ode to PB&J (that’s Peanut Butter & Jelly for those too young to remember the days when this could be eaten at school…) Having grown up in the United States in the late 70′s I was practically raised on PB&J (which may explain a lot).
    Anyhow, I too am torn on this issue. Nuts are an important part of our diet and provide lots of goodness. A healthy nut spread also makes a busy life a lot easier.
    But as most of you have pointed out, what about the child who could die from contact with a nut? If I were a parent in such a situation, I would not rely on others to monitor my child (even at school) and be ever vigilant. But just because that is how I would react, does not mean it is a solution.
    As far as etiquette I think the rule should be that the hostess always tells the guest what they are being served. Even if this means making up little labels at a party. I won’t stop eating or serving nuts (gluten, lactose et al), but I will make sure there is a choice. What more can we do?
    Fussy Eater’s Mum recently posted..In the Box- Review of the Fridge To Go Lunch CoolerMy Profile

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    • An Ode to PB&J – that’s brilliant! I agree, I don’t think any parent can rely on others to monitor their child and at the same time I don’t want to make it harder for that parent to keep their kid safe (at a concert/pool etc…) I think the labels idea is a really good one :)

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  6. I’m particularly careful when I bake things..and give them away. I’ll create lil tags with ingredients in them. Even though there aren’t nuts in them, I will write that I’ve used utensils/products that may/may not have in contact with nuts.

    Just in case. I never want any child/person be affected by MY actions.
    Su Chin recently posted..Year of the RabbitMy Profile

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  7. Im definitely in the majority of not giving it any thought. Keira lives PB sandwiches and because she’s such a fucy eater I just go with it. I think we’re also lucky that none of our friends have kids with food allergies.
    I think there is an increase in allergies because of the scare mongering that goes on with what NOT to eat while pregnant. I didn’t bow into it and ate the “NO” foods when I felt like them. I feel it set my kids up well as they got small doses of shell fish, nuts and fruits and neither have allergies.
    But you have made me think about things if we are going to a public place.
    Xxx

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  8. I am very aware of this issue, but probably because my son has intolerances (not life threatening ones). I take his food everywhere so that he has an alternative when someone offers something he can’t have, but I don’t know what will happen when he heads off to school and starts swapping his lunches! I think your blog is great, so I have awarded you a Versatile Bloggers award, you can see the details on my latest post at http://recipesforfoodintolerances.blogspot.com.
    Oscar’s Mum recently posted..I have an award!My Profile

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    • Thanks for the award, that’s really lovely of you! I can only imagine the challenges you face in preparing food for little Oscar. Do you have any thoughts about how others can help you, by being aware of these issues?

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  9. Hmm… interesting post and a very interesting topic. I agree with Kelly, we should be looking at why there are so many people that are affected now. I am a coeliac myself which basically means I am allergic to wheat and gluten. If I eat either I am very very ill for several days as well as having long term affects. I certainly do not expect people to stop eating sandwiches, cakes, biscuits etc around me because of it. I don’t think I would either if it was life threatening in the short term.

    Education is the key and teaching children with those conditions to know what to do in the circumstance is the best way. I have taught my son what to do if I ever get ill and what mummy can eat and not eat.

    I do understand though in places where there are toddlers around that just pick up things and eat them off the floor, it is easier to have a blanket no nut policy, these toddlers don’t know what they can have or not have.
    nellbe recently posted..Aussie Wordless Wednesday- Well Wishes and Australia DayMy Profile

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    • Thanks for sharing your thoughts. It certainly isn’t a clean cut issue but hopefully having the discussion raises some awareness and gets us all thinking. xx

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  10. I think we do have some responsibility, regardless of why more people have allergies than they used to.

    I am a teacher and have had some children with life threatening allergies to a range of things. In my opinion, forgoing some food for the sake of someone’s life is a no brainer.

    The school my own children go to has a child with a severe dairy allergy. All children in every grade are now required to wash their hands in warm soapy water before they leave the classroom and no food is consumed in the play ground. I know if it was my child with the allergy I’d want to know they were safe all the time while at school.

    I have not really thought about it when out in public all that much… most people I know with allergies are well prepared. Having said that, I hope I never have to use an epi-pen in a life threatening situation.
    Naomi recently posted..The online me- the real me- and the deep dark in betweenMy Profile

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    • Hi Naomi, thanks for sharing your thoughts too. I must agree, I’d prefer to go without than to put someone else in a potentially life-threatening situation but I always feel caught. It’s all well and good for me not to make PB sandwhiches but if I am preparing those sandwhiches on a board, in a kitchen, with a knife that has also had PB on it is it a futile effort??

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  11. I love nuts and peanut butter is my all time fav. pancake topping, yet I have given them up for my daughter who is allergic to nuts. She carries an epipen with her everywhere and we are very aware of what she eats and what those around her are eating.

    I got ranted at by a mum at school last year about Heidi’s nut allergy and how inconvenient it was to her that she could not send peanut butter sandwiches for her daughters lunch. Yes it is inconvenient, but you know what my child dying or landing in hospital would be rather more than inconvenient.

    While visiting my parents in QLD recently we had battles with my mum who is a little OCD and very set in her ways. She always cooks with peanut oil because the lower smoking point means there is less cooking smells in her kitchen – she is very sensitive to smell also. Mum was finally persuaded that for the 2 weeks of our visit it would be okay to cook with a different oil. We were more than happy to cook our own meals at our unit but Mums way of interacting with her granddaughters is to cook with them and feed them.

    Then she made cake using almond meal and another cake full of walnuts to share with the girls. It was very frustrating.

    Whilst I had some sympathy for the mum at school who was not related to my child, and struggled to find alternative lunches that her daughter would accept … well I was just really upset and angry that my mother couldn’t understand how she was putting her granddaughter at risk. Mum was a nurse for many years and has seen first hand allergic reactions, she knows what it looks like and still she adamant things must be done her way.

    However this is balanced out by the lovely gentleman sitting next to Heidi on our flight interstate. He was given a almond muffin for his in flight snack, then he heard me ask the flight attendant what nut free snacks they had available for Heidi. This gentleman then said he would not open his muffin from the packaging and eat something else instead. The kindness of strangers :)

    Because Heidi is on the Autism Spectrum she is not always able to communicate effectively, particularly with people she does not know or in busy situations (like birthday parties where nuts are often encountered). So I am always grateful when other people are aware of the issues and take care with their foods.
    Marita recently posted..Party Bags With a Baked in TwistMy Profile

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    • Wow – I can’t believe people can be so antsy about the inconvenience. I wonder if some quarters of our community aren’t aware about just how life threatening this allergy can be – it’s the only thing that makes sense. As for your Mum, I can only imagine how frustrating and upsetting that must be for you. And as you say, at the other end of the equation, it is heartening to hear of the kindness and thoughtfulness of strangers.

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  12. My Mstr7 has had allergies to milk and egg, which he has only just recently outgrown. His reaction was not anaphylactic, but he would break out into hives if he came in contact. He is also allergic to tree nuts, and this we don’t know if it is anaphylactic, as the challenge test for cashews was a negative result, but we weren’t game to challenge anything else, his reaction was so severe. He got so many hives that they ‘generalised’ and he became one big itchy hive all over his body. It broke my heart to put him through that.

    As for etiquette, we never pack PB in his school lunch (he is not allergic) or any other kind of nut (obviously). I give him PB for breakfast, but ensure that he washes hands and face before school. When he had a boy in his class who was allergic to peanuts, I saved PB for weekends.

    What do I expect? I like it when people let me know if there are nuts in things at parties, but I will always ask, and Mstr7 has always refrained from eating things until he could check with me first. Now that he is going places without me, he will check with the adult first before eating something he is uncertain of. He doesn’t really go places with strangers, and all my friends/his teachers know about his allergies. And yes, I expect places like schools to be nut-free. The risks by far outweigh the inconvenience.

    What does concern me though is that Mstr7 has always asked about the eggs, not the nuts, I guess because eggs are in everything, and nuts, not so much. Now that he is no longer allergic to eggs, I hope that he will still remember to ask about the nut content in things.
    Shelly recently posted..The Day We Rescued a Creature in NeedAlmostMy Profile

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  13. I’m late to this but I have a toddler with an anaphylactic peanut allergy. In my mind, there is a big difference between an adult who has an intolerance (and can make an informed decision to avoid the food or to tolerate the side effects) and a toddler who may die if they eat a peanut and don’t get prompt emergency care (like my child).

    It probably goes without saying I don’t have a lot of time for the ‘you must have done something wrong during pregnancy/breastfeeding/past life’ brigade. For the record-I didn’t. I was a pretty relaxed mum until my child went grey and lost consciousness after eating 1/2 teaspoon of peanut butter. That made me more vigilant about what she puts into her mouth perhaps than most.

    In terms of what I expect from other people, I expect them to take me seriously when I say that my daughter has an allergy. Not ‘oh, can she just have a bite?’ (like a nurse!!! acquaintance said to me). I always ask what is in food at parties and I always carry her epipen and a snack for her in case there is nothing that she can eat. I have a number of lovely friends that are very caring, and similar to you Louisa, are very careful that my DD doesn’t come in contact with PB that their kids have eaten. I GREATLY appreciate it. I have had eye rolls and huffiness when I’ve asked people if they can check the ingredients for peanuts. I don’t care. This is my child’s LIFE we are talking about. Someone’s ‘need’ to eat peanuts doesn’t factor in the equation at all for me.

    When DD is older I am confident that she will be able to ask what is in food and be aware. As a toddler, as one other commentator pointed out, she has no. idea. what peanuts can do to her and has no framework that ‘anaphylaxis’ fits into. We are a house that eats a lot of other nuts and yet I can still find nut free healthy snacks that a picky toddler will eat so I’m not impressed by the ‘can’t find anything other than PB argument’. I have no problems with nut free (not just peanut free) kinders etc. If there are kids with anaphylaxis to other things then eliminate those too. It could save a kid’s life.

    And that, in my mind, trumps any argument.

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    • Hi Katie, thanks so much for sharing your experience. I hope this discussion will be dragged out of the archives for a long time to come because this is SUCH an important issue for mums like you – and the little ones involved (obviously)! I have heard that people can be quite unhelpful and unwilling when it comes to making changes and I’ve always been really surprised and saddened. Thanks for sharing what it’s like for you, I hope we can all learn something from it.

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  14. The lovely Fussy Eater’s Mum brought this post to my attention, I’m thinking it was in a list of 1000+ Google Reader posts that I just hit “mark all as read” for.

    I’m really concerned about the growing number of nut and egg allergies around. My 8 month old son, Tricky, is part of a clinical study on early egg introduction to see if it minimizes allergic reactions. He’s had powered egg (or rice, it’s a double blind study) in his food since he was 6 months old. So we’ll see how that goes.

    One of my AusBlogCon sponsors makes medical alert t-shirts that you have customized with your child’s allergy on them. They’re pretty cool and would be good for those first days at child care/school when the staff don’t know your child yet, or even going to a birthday party maybe? I won’t link directly to them and go the hard sell, but they are on my page if anyone would like to check them out.

    http://www.wheresmyglow.com/2011/02/simply-sponsored.html
    Glowless recently posted..Simply SponsoredMy Profile

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    • Ha ha – I just did that with my google reader too. Very overwhelming! The study sounds really interesting! I have heard it a bit recently that they think early introduction to high-allergy foods might be the way forward. Will be very interesting to see how things go with the study. How long does it go for? Thanks for the heads up about your sponsor too!

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  15. Great post! When I was a nanny I had a group playdate at another nanny’s house and a mother dropped her son off with a sack full of medication and various epipens. The long list of allergies included chocolate and nuts so I was outraged when the other nanny prepared a nut based pesto for the kids with an alternate meal for the child with allergies. As a nanny you are required to do a first aid course which goes in depth regarding allergies and epipens, so she of all people should have realised the dangers she placed on this child, not to mention that it was explained to her by the mother.

    I think mother’s of children with allergies have enough to worry about without having to defend their care in exposing their children to allergies. You drive slowly near a school so why not exercise caution with common allergies and keep the peanut butter out of the lunchbox?

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  16. Pingback: Blog of the Week: Everything’s Edible | BLOGELINA

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