It was no small irony that a couple of weeks ago an amazing gift pack with the film “I Don’t Know How She Does It” arrived on my doorstep. It was a Wednesday and I had had one of those crazy days you imagine when you think about the whole motherwood-work-runningabusiness thing.

In between arriving 20 minutes late to pick up my beautiful Bear on his first morning of childcare. (Let’s just say I’m very thankful he is too young to remember that and be utterly traumatised by it. Me? not so much) to The Architect being called into an off site meeting half an hour before I was supposed to drop Bear off with him and hand over the afternoon pick up of Bliss and dinner-bath-bed routine (let’s also just say that leaving my baby boy with the office receptionist, as lovely and trustworthy as she is, does not leave me feeling like mother-of-the-day let along mother-of-the-year) it was a strange day.

When I first heard about this film, I immediately wanted to see it. Whether you are a SAHM, WAHM, working mum or something else who hasn’t at some point related to the “doing it all” vibe of motherhood? It’s everywhere. Clever to make a film about it really :)

I expected to feel a bit uncomfortable watching it; since becoming a Mum I’ve had seasons of being home full time, working part time and now running a business and each have offered unique challenges. Through each season I have realised that whether I am working or not, I am the sort of person who will be doing something and having (and sticking to!) boundaries is an ongoing challenge. There was one scene where I avoided my husband’s gaze but mostly, it was fun and lighthearted look at modern day living and I really enjoyed it!

I’m excited to say I have a wonderful gift pack containing I Don’t Know How She Does It and 4 other great DVDs to giveaway to one lucky reader…

to find out more, and enter visit my Facebook Page.

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How are you feeling today? Happy? Flat? Excited? Stumped? I’ve got something super lovely to share with you today that’s bound to get you smiling.

The incredibly gorgeous and wonderful Naomi, from Seven Cherubs, has dedicated a big part of her own life to the pursuit of happiness, and sharing practical ways to encourage others to join her. Her latest (and possibly greatest, thus far) way of doing this has been to release an ebook called “Pockets Of Happiness“.

Naomi says,

I am a seeker of happiness. Meaning: I am on a journey to discover what really makes me happy. Since having children I have felt the importance to seek for this happiness in a greater capacity.

For some people happiness comes easily, for me not so easy. I really have to work hard each day to find and see the good in my life and I have to remind myself that the enjoyable, fun time in my life is now. That there is no need to wait for it,happiness can be for me today.

My goal and journey is to find that happiness now. To reach a place where I feel content with my life just the way it is and to not rely on people or things to give me what I need to feel happy….

My hope is that this book will help you find small pockets of happiness each day and allow you to learn more about what makes you happy.

This is a book that lives up to it’s promises! What’s more it’s easy to read, not to long and very affordable at only $4.95!

A couple of my favourite sections in the book include the idea of borrowing happiness when you are just too tired and overwhelmed that you don’t know where to start, and the very practical happiness activities that Naomi has lovingly included.

Follow this link to buy Naomi’s Pockets of Happiness ebook

The Pay It Forward Giveaway

Today I’m giving away 4 copies of Naomi’s book and all I ask of the winner is one simple thing, to pay it forward. You don’t have to giveaway 4 copies, but if you win this ebook then please buy at least one that you can give away to someone else. Naomi is such a giving person, I really want to embrace that as we embrace happiness.

To enter please leave a comment below about anything to do with happiness, this ebook, why you’d like it or who you think you could give it to.

I will draw four winners on Sunday 4th December giveaway updated to Sunday 11th December due to recent blog hiccups.

Disclosure: I purchased my own copy of this book and let Naomi know that I wanted to write this post. While she kindly offered some books for a giveaway I declined as I had already hatched my little pay it forward plan.

Incoming search terms:

• be a happy mum

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Today I should be at the Problogger Training Day but I’m not.

Since Monday afternoon when I took Bliss to the Dr with a temp of 38.6 I’ve had a feeling today wasn’t going to happen for me. When I took her back on Wed and she had a temp of 38.8 and started a round of antibiotics I was still holding out hope that she’d be well enough to go to childcare today and that Bear would cope ok being lugged about with me all day, sleeping here and there in the pram. In my heart I knew it wouldn’t happen, but I didn’t want to give in. I so wanted to be there today, to learn and connect with so many of my online friends.

But sometimes being a parent, and especially being a mother, means you have to miss out.

I’ve wanted to write this post for so long but can never get my thoughts straight and I worry I’ll either sound like a wannabe martyr or like an arrogant so-and-so. Neither of those extremes appeals to me but I’m going to muddle through it and hope you catch my drift…

Being a parent means that sometimes you can’t go, you can’t do and you can’t have the things you’d like. Most parents realise this, some don’t and send their children to childcare while they are contagious or come for a playdate with a sick child (and let’s take a moment to say Grrr! to that) but most – they get it.

The thing about today is that my kids aren’t all that sick. They aren’t contagious and both of them would have managed, if a bit crankily, through today if I’d decided to go to ProBlogger but today I’m seeing the other side of the coin…

I am embarrased to say that the thing that tipped me over and made me not only realise that it was impractical to go but that I wanted to stay home was learning that a couple we used to go to church with, who are around our age with two children only slightly younger than ours have had the shattering diagnosis that their almost 3 year old has multiple, aggressive, inoperable brain tumours. News that I can’t imagine receiving, let alone living with and yet there it is.

I am more than blessed to have these kiddos; even when they are sick it’s really a privilege to be their Mum and to be able to take care of them. Yes, I’ll be watching the twitter stream closely today and Bliss will probably spend a bit of time on the couch watching a movie – I won’t win any awards for grand games and activities – but I’ll be here and we’ll muddle along together at home and I know both kids will be the better for it come tonight.

Being together; today I’m just not going to take that, or them, for granted.

What do you do when your kids get sick?
Have you ever had to miss out on something you really wanted to do to take care of someone?

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As I surveyed the food smeared on the floor of the kitchen and living room, courtesy of Little Bear I sighed.

I really didn’t realise that motherhood was like this.

The monotony

The repetition

The endless loads of washing and dishes! (seriously, are they breeeding?!)

I was raised, like most other women my age, to think about my adult life in terms of what I wanted to do. Of course, what I wanted to do was be the little housewife. Pity it never occurred to me to actually find out what that involved.

For those playing at home, being a SAHM involves

looking after the children – playing with them, feeding them, changing nappies, bathing etc…

tidying the house – at LEAST once a day you will need to tidy the entire house.

cleaning the house – at LEAST twice a day you will need to sweep the floors, not to mention cleaning the rest of the house. I’m not going to tell you how often I clean my toilet but let’s just say I should probably do it every couple of days.

doing the dishes – if you have a dishwasher you are very lucky. If you don’t (hand in the air) then expect to do THREE loads of dishes a day.

washing the clothes – I do an average of 2-3 loads of washing  A DAY. Wash, hang, dry, put away re-bloody-peat. I have TWO children.

You will also probably not get a full nights sleep on a regular basis until your youngest child is 18 months. For some, it’s much older than that. That of course, makes it all the more ‘fun’!

Given all that work you would expect my house to look pretty tidy. It doesn’t. That’s because every time I do one of those things, something like this happens…

Don’t get me wrong. There a playdates and coffee dates and trips to the park and shops. I am not chained to the house or housework and more importantly, I love being a Mum and I am getting better at staying on top of the above (not getting ahead on any of it, but staying on top of it…mostly). BUT when I was pregnant and someone mentioned that being a SAHM was all lunches and lattes I was offended, now if someone said it I would take a deep breath and then launch into a long and loud tirade about what an idiot they were. I may also smack them.

Obviously I am not a SAHM. I am a WAHM – so just add doing 16-24 hours of work a week in to the list above and you’ve got my life pretty much covered.

We do our children a disservice when we tell them they can have it all. We do ourselves a disservice when we believe it.

They can’t.

We can’t.

I can’t.

You can’t.

And that’s OK.

Do the things that matter to you, cherish the things you believe in and let the rest come second. I promise, you will be a lot happier. Whatever you do, do what I say and not what I do.

xx

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Last Monday I set a challenge for myself to think about the words that I want to define the way that I parent – words I can use to form a mission statement for myself as a Mum.

These are my words.

Faith I want my kids to know who Jesus is and to explore faith robustly, and I need to teach them what a life of faith looks like.

Love That they feel loved every minute, of every day – even when I am cross, that they never doubt my love for them and thus, that they are know how to love others.

Fun I want to have fun with my kids!

Safe To be a safe and trusted presence in their life, so that they always know that they are safe, and that they can tell us anything and that we will never leave them.

Grace Able to say that I am wrong, and demonstrate what forgiveness looks like.

Generosity Being generous with praise, possessions and with myself so that they will be generous with themselves, with others and with their possessions.

Work I want them to see work as being good, not a burden.

Cope I don’t cope with stress well, and I want to change that in myself and be a good example to the kids in this area. I know it’s a big area of weakness of mine.

Respect I want to be the sort of mother whose kids know will listen to them and respect them and I want them to learn from this that what they have to say and what they think matters. I don’t want them to be reliant on the words and actions of others in knowing their self-worth.

Week 2 Challenge: A mission statement is only truly useful, when it is truly practical. This weeks challenge is to choose 3-5 of these words to really practice and define. What will it look like for me to demonstrate generosity with my kids? How do I show my kids that I respect them?

Can’t wait to hear your thoughts and your words.

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I can be an idealist when it comes to motherhood.

If the past few years have taught me anything about motherhood, it’s that idealism is dangerous.

Have ideals, but don’t measure your success against them.

When I have a great day with the kids I think “Win!” and when don’t I think “Fail”. While I can see how crazy that is, that doesn’t stop me from swinging from the highs that come with the great days and moments of motherhood to the depths of “why am I a such a crap Mum?!”

As I’ve mentioned many times, I had a very idealistic vision of what motherhood would look like for me, and to date very little of that picture has come to fruition.

I need a new picture.

So I’m creating for myself a challenge. To think about me – about the things I believe matter, and that I want to prioritise – not what others do or what my kids my want but what matters to me in being a Mum.

And I’m starting now.

What I want to do is write a motherhood mission statement. I want a mission statement that gives me a picture of what I am trying to achieve as a Mum – the values and practices that matter most to me so that when I am tempted to feel like I am failing, I have something realistic and tangible to measure myself against. I want to see the real wins for what they are, and same for the times I feel like I’m not doing a good job.

I’m going to get started right here on my blog and I’d love your input, I’m even going to invite you to join in with me. I am so excited about this!

A mission statement is something enduring – it’s not bound to a stage of parenting or a season of life but incorporates your goals.

Week 1 Challenge: What are the words that come to mind when you think about the Mum you want to be?

Before I can form a new picture of motherhood for myself, I need to work out the things that matter to me. I’m going to do that via a list of words because that’s how I work, but images or songs or anything could be used for this.

Some of the words that come to mind are faithful, fun, secure…

I’m no Seven Cherubs motherhood guru, but this is important to me. I need to do something proactive to change my mindset about myself as a Mum.

If you would like to join in please let me know in the comments. If you don’t have a blog but want to join in you can do so in the comments too – or keep a journal and just check in with me to let me know how you are going.

Update: I will put a link up next Monday so if you feel like joining in and sharing your words please do – I’ll also post mine and share the second step :)

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