{If you only have five mintues today then forget the post below and please visit www.millionmums.org.au – PANDA urgently needs your help and with only 2 clicks and your postcode you can send an epostcard to your local MP to help PANDA take their helpline 24.7 Many, many thanks.}

 

For those with more than 5 minutes…

 

Last week I wrote about spending a night away from the older two kids – The Architect & I in the city – a great dinner, a nice hotel, yummy brekkie. A chance for us to have a proper conversation and spend some quality time with our newest bub. It was such a treat! As I read the comments coming through on the competition to win a similar date night, I saw a common theme.

Mums tired

Mums messy

Mums thinking about their family, not themselves

And it took me right back…

When Bliss was born I was given a PANDA magnet as I left the hospital. I brought it home and dutifully stuck it on the fridge.  I would occasionally look at it and whenever I found myself at my wits end I would think about that magnet and PANDA. No matter how overwrought I was, I never thought PANDA was for me – surely what I was going through was normal? Surely…

 

The few times I seriously considered calling were outside of their operating hours – back then the helpline was only open Monday-Fri, 9am – 4.30pm (currently the helpline runs Mon-Fri 24/7 9am-7pm). I don’t know if I had postnatal depression with Bliss but I do know that I isolated myself to the point where I lost a friendship. That I didn’t lose more friends is simply a testimony to how amazing my friends are. I withdrew, I didn’t return phone calls let alone initiate them and I felt like the biggest failure on earth.

How could it be that I didn’t take to motherhood like a duck to water? I found all the tasks easy, and we were pretty relaxed on the things that made other new parents anxious, but the emotional transition completely took me by surprise. I had always wanted to be a Mum, a full time stay at home Mum at that. I loved my daughter but I was scared and tired, so very tired. Well meaning comments meant to make me feel less alone, a la “that happened to me too” only left me feeling more isolated, more lost.

More than anything, I felt embarrassed.

A large reason I don’t feel embarrassed today is because I know that this is a really common experience and I know that because other people, including a lot of bloggers, have told me through their own stories. If in sharing my own journey just one person feels less alone then it is all worthwhile.

5 years and 2 more children on and I am incredibly clucky. Incredibly! With each child it’s been easier and with Bluey, I have finally taken to it like a duck to water. I love having a baby in the house and easily want another (our bank account currently does not agree with this sentiment). Yes having 3 children has been a total gamechanger and I have never felt busier, but I have also never felt clearer – like I have finally figured this thing out. I think that’s why I have the idea of another baby in my mind…I have finally gotten the hang of things, I’m not ready to stop!

My story, so far, has had a happy ending. But I know this isn’t always how it goes…and I know that it could only take a few weeks, that turn into months, of sleepless nights to send me backwards.

Last year I started working with PANDA as a charity partner through Brand Meets Blog. I identified with their mission and shared their desire to make support services more available to the public.

Around 48,000 women will be diagnosed with post natal depression this year and PANDA (the Post and Antenatal Depression Association) is the only national helpline that offers counselling for struggling families. Currently they are only able to help 7% of mums each year through operating their helpline Mon-Fri 7am-9pm.

Through my work with PANDA I have learnt that the PANDA helpline offers more than just phone counselling to people who call. PANDA actually take responsibility for making contact with the callers as often as required, for as long as required to ensure that the caller is able to access local support services. PANDA also offer in home visits for people in situations that require it – I find that completely amazing!

But 93 out of 100 mums and thus, their kids, are missing out on help they desperately need.

 

So often stats like that can feel completely overwhelming. Thankfully, this is not a stat that needs to overwhelm. You can help with 2 clicks and your postcode!

Visit www.millionmums.org.au and complete the epostcard to your local MP to help PANDA take their helpline 24/7. We all know that parents don’t struggle just during business hours!

Today is the day you can make a real difference to the lives of Australian parents.

 

 

Dear Bliss,

Happy Birthday my girl! I simply cannot believe that you are five – where has the time gone!?! It feels like yesterday that you arrived and opened up a whole new world to us… Those first few days as new parents felt like a lifetime of possibility and here we are five years later seeing what possibility grows in to.

 

This week you went on your first school camp without us. You were so excited about it, telling everyone that you were going on camp “without grownups” – I was so proud of you and yet I was also terrified. You can’t comprehend, and nor would I ask you to, how truly terrifying sending you off to camp was for me. So much of the way we are choosing to educate you is a response to my experience of primary school. In choosing a school and a plan for you my priorities were making sure it would positive, that you would make friends and feel confident as well as love learning. I used to feel fearful and quite teary about sending you to school – these days I still get teary but because I am so happy – so happy to see you in a place that you are loving and thriving and learning.

Camp was another step in this journey and I think it had a bigger impact on me than you. While you were away all my own emotions of going away to camp came flooding back – I used to get so incredibly homesick I would bawl my eyes out and cling onto granny, sending her back to her car in a flood of tears. Once out of sight I would settle in and have a great time but leaving using to have me in knots. I spent the entire time you were on camp with those same knots in my stomach – but it was all about me, not you. Seeing how bright (and filthy!) your face was when you got back from camp made me so incredibly happy.

I am so happy that you’re not like me on this. That you are independent and confident and that you didn’t find it as hard as I did. So happy.

On the morning you left I wanted to take a few photos – this is one of my favourites because you are perched on your suitcase, ready to run as soon as I have taken the photo. You were so eager, it made my heart sing.

By the time you read this you will know about the lie; that we didn’t tell you that your birthday fell during school camp – that we told you it was the day after you got back. We didn’t want you to feel lonely or miss us on your birthday and a bit selfishly we wanted to celebrate this milestone with you (I confess I woke up on your birthday, with you away, and had a bit of a cry!)

I don’t know if you will remember it but you had a great 5th birthday yesterday and so did we! You woke up and stumbled, bleary eyed into our room before quickly running out again. When you came back your face was beaming – you had found your room filled with balloons! Birthday breakfast cake was next on the agenda though you played so patiently with me while we waited for the boys to wake up and start the cake and present opening. You chose Yum Cha over Pizza for lunch and we finished the arvo with your favourites – blue cheese, olives and twiggy sticks. A day of fun, pressies and yummy food – hard to beat!

I am so proud of the person you are growing into and I can’t wait to see what the next 5 years bring.

Actually I can wait, do you think we could slow things down a bit?? Can’t you still be my baby?

Probably not.

Congratulations my beautiful girl – you are rocking this life so far!!

Love Mum
x

Tomorrow is the day.

She knows it and seems both excited and nervous at once. The idea of going “every day” has started to creep in and I’m not sure it’s an entirely welcome idea for her yet. That’s OK though because it’s not an entirely welcome idea in my heart yet either…

But we are “ready”.

We’ve got the shoes, and the clothes sorted.

I’ve written her a letter and I’ve recorded her talking about what she thinks about going to school.

The camera is charged.

We had a morning tea at the school today and we already have a play-date planned for later in the week.

My head is ready…and my heart is getting there.

Maybe.

The time is here though.

The time is now.

and I’m as ready as I’ll ever be…I think she is too.

Incoming search terms:

• as ready as I will ever be
• as ready as we\ll ever be
• i\m as ready as ill ever be
• link:louisaclaire com

Today is a day where I have well and truly felt outnumbered. Three children is absolutely exhausting…or rather, can be absolutely exhausting, and wild, and loud – so very loud.

But then there is this.

I couldn't capture a good photo of it but Bluey has the most amazing grin and I see it whenever he hears my voice which just blows me away. every time. He's smiling at me!!

Three is exhausting, but so is two. In fact it's mostly the two, when they are together, (or the first – wow, 4 year olds are intense!!!) that are exhausting…or when all three are yelling/crying/singing at once and I feel all I do is move between other people's needs. That's exhausting, definitely exhausting. But I'm still adjusting, still learning how to balance three and do it with patience and grace.

And this, this is one of the best things in the world…

 

 

 

 

Somehow or other my daughter has grown into a 4.5year old who will be heading off to school in 7 short weeks time.

I am not quite sure how this happened but recently it’s been radically challenging the way I think about parenting her. She’s not a baby anymore!

Like many of you, we have certain family traditions around Christmas time – the day and way we put up our tree, the way we start Christmas day morning, and the way we teach our kids about generosity and giving and of course, the true meaning of Christmas.

A little while ago we gave away some toys that the kids weren’t using to the St Kilda Mums organisation. Bliss was quite willing to do this but I can see that she has felt the elements of sacrifice that are part of such an activity. She’s been talking a bit about giving toys to children who don’t have any but there has also been a sense of worry that we might give away some of the toys she loves and plays with often. So we keep talking and I keep assuring her that I won’t take toys off her to give away but that any time we do this it will be something she and the boys choose. I love her generosity and am glad that she understands that sometimes looking out for others who are less fortunate means making a personal sacrifice.

Recently Bliss has become quite interested in collecting coins for her “pinny bank”. We give her coins and she finds some in our wallets and has stored up a little collection. She doesn’t have any concept of how much money she has in there but she understands that she is saving…or perhaps collecting!

Just the other day as she was asking The Architect how much money was in her Pinny Bank she piped up that perhaps we could give some of her money away to people who don’t have any.

When it comes to Christmas, something she and I have done together over the years is go along to the shops to buy a present to put under the Kmart wishing tree. When I mentioned that we would go and do this over the weekend she asked if we could use some of her money from the pinny bank to buy the present. It’s so heartening to see her generosity and willingness to help others at such a young age.

 

I’m reminded of how much kids learn by example and are able to personally participate in these activities at a much younger age than we might have thought.

How do you feel about these issues of giving, sacrifice and getting kids involved in charitable activities? Do you involve your kids in these things and how? 

And do they know it?

 

The older Bliss gets, the more I find myself not just loving her to pieces but really liking her as a person. She’s fun, funny, unfailingly kind and thoughtful, gentle and yet completely mental. I like hanging out with her and though occasionally we rub each other the wrong way I think that’s kinda normal for two people who spend a heck of a lot of time together.

I’ve been trying to make a point of regularly telling her not just that I love her, but that I like her…and why.

We like having breakfast with you kiddo, you’re good company.

I am so proud of how kind you are to your brother.

I really like you Bliss, can I tell you why?

 

Do you like your kids? Do they know it? How do you tell them?