It’s old news now that Kim Kardashian split from her husand Kris Humprhies after only 72days of marriage.
I actually don’t get the whole Kardashian thing so I’m a little surprised to find myself writing a post about them but I just can’t get over the 72day marriage. How is it that someone can get married for love and then end the relationship so quickly? Moreover, to end the marriage without actually discussing it with your spouse is just something I can’t understand. At all.
Kim said on her blog
Everyone that knows me knows that I’m a hopeless romantic! I love with all of my heart and soul. I want a family and babies and a real life so badly that maybe I rushed in to something too soon. I believed in love and the dream of what I wanted so badly. I felt like I was on a fast roller coaster and couldn’t get off when now I know I probably should have. I got caught up with the hoopla and the filming of the TV show that when I probably should have ended my relationship, I didn’t know how to and didn’t want to disappoint a lot of people.
That’s pretty honest and good on her for that. Poor Kris, of course.
There have been a lot of jokes made at the expense of Kim this week, the twitter hashtag #thingslongerthankimsmarriage being just one of them. The thing that has struck me over the past week is the number of references Kim and her family have made to the importance of “following your heart” and “being happy”.
Being happy is heralded as the holy grail of life these days. But what about when doing what makes me happy, makes someone else miserable? What if I’m the person made miserable by someone else’s choice to be happy – what then? What about when doing what makes me happy doesn’t last? Is happiness really the goal and if so, what does it mean to be happy?
When I did a little google image search about being happy I came up with several charts like this…
I’ve got a little story to illustrate my point (of course I do!)
My grandparents are 93 and 90 and up until this week have been living at home. It’s been a rough few years for them, dealing with fledging health, heart attacks and deep grief over the death of their daughter, my beloved aunt, last year. But they’ve kept going for one reason – my grandmother has resolutely refused to even consider leaving her home and moving into a nursing home.
Last week the choice ceased to be hers. She, and my grandfather, having spent considerable time in hospital and rehabilitation centers this year have had to move into a home. My parents and uncle worked really hard to find them a nice place where they could be together and they are in co-joining rooms. The family have moved in pictures and photos and furniture to make it feel more like home and this morning my Mum told me this…
You would be so proud of your grandmother. She has adjusted to this move so wonderfully! She told me last week that she realised she had two choices – she could see this as the end, or she could see it as the beginning of a new era. She’s decided to do just that and is coping so well with it.
Mum’s right, I am proud of Ma. I’m also immensely proud of my family who have helped them with this huge adjustment.
Life is a series of choices, there’s come a point in life when those choices stop being about just you singular and start being about you plural – the family and even friends you share you life with. When you marry, your choices become about “us” and “them” and even more so when you have children. We stop making choices about “me” when we stop being children. Or at least, that’s what I think.
More deeply than that there’s something I realised before I got married that I think is true for most couples There will come a day when you will want to leave your marriage. You will look at your life and think “I want out”. In that moment you will have a choice to make – will you choose to live in that moment, or will you choose to pursue the bigger picture? I don’t know a single married couple (I’m talking long time married couple) who haven’t faced that choice and I am so blessed to know lots who have chosen the latter and have rich, beautiful marriages because of their commitment to the bigger picture, to taking the long term view about happiness and contentment. I am so blessed to know these people and to have heard those stories because when I look at my husband and our family I know that I don’t ever want to stop taking the long view*.
Over to you – what does happiness mean for you? Is it the holy grail for you?
*The Architect and I are really happy and great at the moment. The last time I mentioned something like this people were concerned that we were having a rough time and while life with little kids, a mortgage and cat isn’t going to be smooth sailing 24/7, we’re good and we keep working together to keep it that way. x
Update: Maxabella has written a great post on happiness this week too – I suggest you check it out here: What Does Happiness Look Like?
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