There’s nothing quite like a pregnancy to make you feel helpless.

I’m in that awkward phase; in between DR appointments that reassure me that all is progressing well and that bubs is safe and thriving and yet not feeling bubs moving around, giving me that wonderful constant comfort that all is well.

I don’t look pregnant – just fat(ter) so no tummy to prove to the world myself that this is real, and at the same time I’m starting to feel well again, less nauseua, less tired – this is a blessing, an answer to prayer and yet it leaves me…anxious.

I cannot tell you how much I long to see that little heartbeating on the screen again.

….

I bought the sweetest little outfit for the baby today…maybe he/she will be known as Little Owl? I bought it as an act of faith; that all is and will remain, well. I’ve done this with each of my other pregnancies and have loved having a special little outfit for the baby to wear in hospital – something just for them. 

 

When I look at the deep excitement in my daughters face, and listen to the enthusiasm in her voice as she speaks of “our baby” my heart feels so happy and overwhelmed with the love in her and yet terrified at the same time.

What if??

Even saying these words out load is terrifying. What if I am pre-empting something by writing this? I don’t believe that of course, but my goodness….the helplessness I feel right now is just so constant.

 

 Maybe I’ll wake up tomorrow and throw up in the driveaway as I race out the door. It’s a strange world to live in when that is something you actually wish for. 

My husband looked at me last night and said “There was a moment in time, where we had Kevin Rudd and Malcolm Turbull leading the parties; two reasonable men… and now we have this.”

I am so angry right now, so angry. And stupefied.

 

Dear Australian Labor Party,

I think you have missed the point. When you almost lost the last election it wasn’t because people stampeded to the right of your policies. It was because they went left. I’m not sure if you missed that lesson in kindergarten where you learnt the different between your left and right but now might be a really good time to figure it out.

When you lost votes, it was not because people felt your policies were too “radical” (can we even believe that caring for people might be considered radical!) nor was it because people felt your policies were too soft, as much as the opposition liked to bang on about it. It was because people realised there there was the Liberal Party, the Labor Liberal Party and the Greens. People (for the most part) didn’t actually vote for the Greens because they wanted them in power, they voted out of PROTEST.

Stop being so bloody worried about polls and what you think people want and do the things that are supposed to be at the core of your party values.

Do that, and you might find yourself pleasantly surprise.

 

Yours,

Louisa

 

p.s. I realise that not everyone will agree with my take on politics, but I really needed to get this out.

 

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I started my business, Brand Meets Blog, when my youngest child was a mere 4 months, and my oldest had just turned 3. I had a passion for blogging and the blogging community and felt I had something to offer; thanks to the enthusiastic enthusiastic encouragement of my mentor, Alli Price and my supportive husband I took the plunge and set up shop.

I had absolutely no idea what I was in for!

The business took off and before I knew it I was struggling to get everything done. I loved the work and was thrilled to see the business growing so fast but along with the excitement came an unease about the amount of time I was investing in it, and the corresponding lack of time being invested at home – particularly quality time for my husband. While I could mostly work during the kids sleep, taking the baby with me to meetings and interstate events while my daughter was at her kinder/childcare meant that kids were still getting a lot of me…my poor husband was the one missing out.

With Bear at the Qld Kelloggs Mum event

The business community, especially online, is rich with passion and diversity. What I really needed though, was someone to hold my hand and tell me how to do it with two kids in tow. I started looking around and listening to the tales of other business owners. I heard from some women that they worked through the night, or while in hospital days after giving birth. I heard from others that they dedicate whole portions of the weekend to work, while their husband takes over the reigns in the house. While making sense to me, none of these options felt like they were right for our family.

You could say I wanted it all – the part time job that fit flexibly around the family and allowed me to fulfil my mothering instincts while being an awesome wife. Doing it all with a sparkling sink and a sweet smile of course!

After months of working til middnight every night, I decided I needed to make some changes.

One day I stumbled across an article entitled “I started a business with a baby” – hooray! A woman who could tell me how to do it, or at least how she did it! I was totally dismayed when I started reading and discovered that this Mum had her child in childcare full time – not because of any opinion about childcare but because what I so desperately wanted to hear was that I could do this without going down that route. Like many mums in business, I’d started this with the dream of family flexibility, and instead found myself with less time than before. I was trying to find a way out and after reading another article that wasn’t where I wanted to go I decided that in the absence of a roadmap I was going to have to forge my own path.

As much as I’d like to take credit for this realisation, I must acknowledge the gentle prodding of my husband in this process; he reminded me of the things I’ve always said and always stood for as well as that I wasn’t on my own, this wasn’t a burden that was “mine” but “ours”. He’s a wise man, and I’m very grateful for his patience!

My first step was to set some boundaries – no more working every night. I allowed myself 3 nights a week to work – Monday, Wednesday and Thursday – and the rest were to be away from the computer. The second set was to outsource by taking on staff to help with my work, as well as a cleaner to help with the housework.

All this was guided by an over-riding principle about my priorities. I decided that I want to finish the day feeling like I’ve spent time with the kids and my husband – that comes first. While I could have worked full time and gotten everything done, that wasn’t part of my vision for my family or my work. I decided that outsourcing, though limiting my earning potential, wasn’t going to send me backwards and would mean that I was better able to stick to my priorities.

Making the decision NOT to work 24/7, and not to focus on the financial aspects of a business can be a frightening step. We live in a society that largely assesses success based on the fiscal circumstances and growth of both individuals and businesses. By letting go of that yard stick, I’ve released myself to forge a path that is distinctly right for us. I’ve realised that if I wasn’t working, I’d be doing “something” because that’s part of who I am – feeling guilty about my desire and passion for work is futile; however letting it take over my life is dangerous.

I continue to love me work and to work very hard at it but I’m also making sure I take the time to both enjoy and nurture my family. For me, this is a choice I’m more than willing to make!

Are you a mum in business, or thinking about that step? What are your big challenges, choices or questions about “having it all”?

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1. Speak the truth. Always. 

2. Wear nice underwear. 

3. Be kind. 

4. Wear lipstick. 

5. Smile. 

6. Accept that things change, people change and friendships change. It’s not you, it’s just time. 

7. Spend time with people who love you and believe in you. 

8. Look for the best in people. 

9. Say yes more often than you say no. 

10. Don’t do drugs. 

11. Don’t drink too much. 

12. Travel. Even if you only ever go as far as the next suburb, take the time to meet people who are different to you and you see the world differently. 

13. Seek God. 

14. Clean out your wardrobe – get rid of the clothes that don’t fit you, that you never wear, that you make you feel frumpy/uncomfortable, that provide you with an excuse to feel down about yourself. 

15. Give yourself time to re-fill your wardrobe – it doesn’t have to happen overnight. 

16. Exercise 

17. Spend time with your friends. 

18. Watch less television. 

19. Get up before anyone else in the house and enjoy the dawn rising, the quiet and the chance to start the day on your own terms. 

20. Take the stairs. 

21. Laugh often. 

22. Be generous. 

23. Support a charity. 

24. Take regular holidays – they don’t have to be fancy, they just have to be a real chance to connect with your family or friends. 

25. Leave your smart phone at home. 

26. Get enough sleep. 

27. Seek joy. 

28. Speaking kindly. 

29. Ask yourself regularly “how am I making a difference to my community/world/family”. 

30. Sponsor a child. 

31. Sing. 

32. Don’t let misunderstandings undo years of friendship. 

33. Don’t believe the Hollywood picture of love. Love is passion and beauty and fun, but it’s so much more than a feeling – it’s a choice, a commitment to keep choosing, to listen, to connect, to stay in touch with each other. 

34. Grief isn’t fleeting, learn to accept the grief you carry and hold it as an important part of you, but don’t let it define you. 

35. Look for ways to learn – read books, blogs, magazines. Listen to the radio, news, podcast. Soak up knowledge. 

36. Don’t be arrogant. You are not always right. 

37. Be willing to let it go, even if you know you are right. Sometimes, often even, being in relationship is more important than being right and having no relationship. 

38. Hug your family. Often. 

39. See the best in people, look for things to celebrate not pull down. 

40. Celebrate other people’s success, even when it stings. 

41. Always assume the best, not worst about another person or situation. 

42. Stop reading women’s magazines. 

43. Forgive yourself your mistakes. 

44. Stop lying to yourself, you don’t do yourself or anyone else any favours. 

45. Let go of the plans you have for how your life is “supposed to be” – life is just way too interesting for that. 

46. Listen to your children, really listen to them. Be the parent that makes their child believe they have something of value to offer the world. 

47. Save. 

48. Don’t be afraid to spend some money – invest in yourself, your family, your future. 

49. Pray. 

50. Don’t compare yourself to someone else – we all have our insecurities, yours may be different from theirs, but they have them too. 

51. Wear proper shoes – your feet will thank you as you get older. 52. Own your mistakes. Apologise.
 

Does this resonate with you? How do you live your best life?  

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Update: The Sunday Life post was taken down today (16th April) at the request of Eden. You can read Eden’s amazing response here: My Life. On The Line and the beautiful and thoughtful comments from Baby Mac: Ghost Town and Naomi: Owning The Words.

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Today four wonderful bloggers and their blogs (Edenland, BabyMac, Kerry Sacville, Under The Yardarm) are featured in a Sunday Life article on “Mummy Blogging”. How fantastic! For those involved in the world of blogging – either as bloggers or readers – it’s no secret that blogging is really taking off in Australia. It’s an exciting time! To see bloggers being talked about in traditional media is always fun.

Then I saw the tweet.

 

Yikes! That’s a really big mistake about someone’s very real life.  This was followed by a tweet from Naomi to say that her dad is very much alive. Another big mistake.

I’ve talked before about how I feel about Sunday Life reporting, so I will openly say here that I headed over to read this post with feelings of trepidation.

Upon reading the introductory remark, my heart sank “readers adore their brutal honesty, their families not so much.”

I absolutely cannot speak for any of the bloggers featured in this story and will be interested to read any of the responses to the article that they may choose to share. I can only tell you the way the article made me feel, both as a blogger and as a regular reader of several of these blogs.

I felt that the author of the piece had selectively chosen comments to create a sensational article. Leaving aside the fact that bloggers don’t need journalists to sensaltionlise their lives (we can do that quite well ourselves, thankyouverymuch) the depth and power that each of those blogs contains was, it felt to me, glossed over in favor of generalizations and sensational ‘tidbits’.

The point of blogging, that in sharing our honest stories bloggers are able to connect with, encourage, motivate and inspire other people who can relate to their experience, was lost. To me, anyway. The question “When these women put their whole lives online for the edification of others, what is left for them – and their families? betrays that the author of this article failed to do her research and to understand what blogging is actually about, and what it means both for the blogger and their readers.

For those who are scratching their heads wondering what this blogging caper is all about, these are some real comments made by blog readers about blogs, in the survey Mum PR and I did into the online habits of Australia women last year.

 

It’s made me think about what I want in life.

It’s given me hope in life…it’s good to know I’m not alone.

Parenting blogs have changed the way I parent.

Blog posts inspired me to be better every. single. day.

That’s what blogging does.

Once again I feel that the Sunday Life is aiming for provocative instead of positive in this article and that makes me sad, because this article is about real people. Blogging is about the everyday life, of everyday people – making connections about the things we all share in common: our hopes, fears, joys and the crazy, silly things in life. That’s what makes it powerful and what connects us. This article could have been one that showed how beautiful the Mummy blogging phenomena is and why it’s so powerful – and the bloggers featured have so much to offer on that front – instead it focused on an idea that Mummy bloggers just write to get a response and to hell with the consequences. Do any of you know any blogger who writes like that? Are any of you not deeply offended by that assumption?

Keep trying Sunday Life, maybe one day you’ll figure it out.

What did you think about the article? What would you say to a reporter about blogging if you had the chance?

 

p.s. If by chance, any of the bloggers featured in the article happen to read this post – please know I think you are all wonderful and your stories incredibly powerful. Keep writing, keep being awesome. xx

 

 

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It’s been quiet around here, have you noticed?

My body has been saying “slow down” and as seems to happen with me, when I need to slow down blogging is one of the first things to go. Writing posts that are going to be meaningful and engaging is also really emotionally draining and so there are seasons where things need to go a bit slower. This is one of those seasons…

The blog might be a bit more light-hearted than usual (read: a bit superficial) and it may be bit quiet for a while… Bear with me, my body is talking and I need to listen.

Do you listen to your body? What do you do when you need to slow down?

 

 

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