We went to Chesterfield Children’s Farm this week. It was supposed to be a “fun day out”, a day to spend enjoying each other’s company exploring the world… together.
And it was.
Bliss milked a cow! Bear held a Bunny! Gorgeous “firsts” in their little lives…
But I can tell I’m reaching the point of my pregnancy where my patience is whippet thin.
Little Bear is in the pre-verbal “zone” and spent most of the morning trapsing behind us whinging and crying because he wanted me to carry him.
I’m 28 weeks pregnant with reflux/indigestion in full swing and carrying a 15kg toddler around a farm was just. not. going. to. happen.
Bliss, bless her little heart, is actually quite lovely. But I am too short with her, too easily made cross by her very normal, very human ways…not 4 year old ways, just “person I spend all day with and who spends all day with me” ways.
I am not as patient or gentle as I would like and I know it but I can’t seem to change it.
I don’t like it and I don’t really know what do about it.
The Architect is going away for work for 8 nights in a couple of weeks (and let’s just point out that in our almost 7 years of marriage he has only once before travel overseas for work, and so this coming up when we have 2 children and I’m 32 weeks pregnant…what are the chances?!) and I’m starting to feel really worried about it. It’s not coping with the kids on my own so much that worries me, it’s treating them with the love, kindness and patience they deserve from me – for instance, not starting every day at 6am with me yelling at them that it’s not time to get up yet and that they need to be quiet!!
Because it’s not them, it’s me. I feel lost, tired, guilty and short tempered…and mostly, I feel like it’s completely beyond my control.
I remember being like this when I was heavily pregnant with Bear. I don’t want to be like that for the next 14 weeks.
The only thing I know I should do is NOT turn on the TV because our house is so much calmer and happier when it’s been OFF.
But it’s a bad cycle – I get overwhelmed so turn it on, then the kids get cranky and so I get more overwhelmed and so on and so on.
Sorry for the whinge folks…sometimes I’m just not a coper.