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THIS LETTER IS ADDRESSED TO NO ONE IN PARTICULAR AND IF YOU THINK IT’S ABOUT YOU THEN YOU ARE JUST GOING TO HAVE TO TAKE MY WORD FOR IT. IT CAN’T BE ABOUT YOU BECAUSE I DON’T HAVE ANY IDEA WHO ‘YOU’ ARE BUT I NEED TO GET THIS OFF MY CHEST AND JUST HOPE AND PRAY THAT NO ONE DECIDES THAT I MUST BE WRITING ABOUT THEM.
If we are going to be friends then there’s something I need you to know about me.
I’ve never been more exhausted, stressed or time poor than I have been this year. I have an active toddler, work 3 days a week – 2 of those from home, and this year have have completed a university degree.. When I am at home I want to be an engaged parent, and dammit I’m actually a bloody good one.
Yesterday I took 20minutes TO MYSELF to do some stuff online while the little one was playing. When I came into the kitchen I discovered that she’d DRAWN ALL OVER THE HOUSE in permanent marker. I then spent close to 2 hours cleaning up. THIS is life with my little girl. I love her for it but it makes life UNPREDICTABLE.
I am walking around covered in eczema up to my elbows and on my eyelids and don’t have time to make yet ANOTHER Doctor’s appointment about it.
I am in desperate need of some waxing let alone trying to get my hair cut, but hey what’s the rush on that, I only had one last in FEBRUARY?!
So, if I don’t call you back immediately after you ring me; if I take a couple of days to get back to you or God-forbid, I forget all together that you rang/texted me, IT’S NOT BECAUSE I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOU/OUR FRIENDSHIP or because I have my head stuck up my ass.
If I CHOOSE (and I acknowledge the choice) to blog, email or use FB to contact you or others and not call you IT’S NOT BECAUSE I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOU/OUR FRIENDSHIP, it’s because I don’t have the emotional (or sometimes physical) energy to have a dialogue. I need to communicate in a one way stream because I DO IN FACT CARE but can’t do it the way you want or need me too.
SO folks, this is why I haven’t blogged much this year. I am sick of being judged for how I use my time.
and QUITE FRANKLY HOW DARE YOU THINK I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOU/OUR FRIENDSHIP? I have literally dropped everything to drive across town/ to cook/bake/babysit, I have jumped on a PLANE more than once, twice or three times to be there to support friends and family when they have needed me and I’ve done it all without asking. I am no martyr, I am a selfish human being just like the next person, but PLEASE don’t suggest that I don’t care about my friends. Just talk to me, and maybe offer to lend me a hand once in a while, that would be REALLY great and might see me picking up the phone with more ease.