I recently stirred up some controversy, rather unwittingly, so I thought I’d raise the topic over here.
The poster was talking about why she is currently single and was referring to a book called “He’s Just not that Into You”. You can read the post to see what she was saying but the general gist was that if a guys keen he will follow up and if he isn’t then he won’t and that’s all there is to it (OK that last bit’s just me late on a Sunday night after a couple of glasses of red and a few big conversations today!)
It got me thinking though; when I was single, I found that it was the non-Christian guys I knew /encountered who expressed interest, whereas the Christian guys, even those I knew were interested (because they told my friends…go figure!!) never said anything. My question is, why is that??? I don’t think they hypothesis the author of “He’s Just not into You” (or whatever the actual title is) applies in Christian settings – at least not in my experience, nor in the experience of many of my friends -awesome, beautiful (both as people and aesthetically) women who are single long-term.
Anyway, I attempted to make this comment and hit a bit of a nerve amongst some men who thought I was having a bit of a go at ‘wussy guys’. I’m really not. I just don’t understand it. Marriage is awesome. I LOVE being married. I LOVE my husband. It is such a wonderful gift. In fact, looking back on my single days I think that God was looking after me, answering my prayers by guarding my heart (when I wasn’t always so keen on the idea!) so that now, when I look at the picture of my husband on my desk I feel so thankful! So why avoid it? Why not take some risks and see what God might have in store? I am thrilled I did, in fact I am just so thankful to God. And as many of you who have heard the Happy Husband and I talk about our early days together will know, we did it tough. Our relationship was not an easy ride for the first 12-18 months, but my constant prayer was that God would not let our sinful nature prevent something that HE wanted. It remains my prayer as a married woman, that God would not let our sinful nature prevent us from having the marriage HE designed; that in His Grace and Mercy HE would be at work in us, enabling us to behave in ways totally contrary to our sinful nature – as he did in our early days (if in doubt just ask Mel, Cat or Camille – they all saw it!) I actually remember the night it first happened – that I thought there might be something between the Happy Husband and I. We were sitting a Melbourne City bar on July 30, 2002 and he had just said “I’ve always had a thing for redheads” and then got up to go to the bathroom and I prayed ‘God if there is something here, please give him the courage to do something about it’. It was as I was praying that it occurred to me that perhaps it was I who had to do something and perhaps God wanted me to take as much of a risk as I wanted Happy Husband too – so I just asked God to be involved in the process and to give both of us whatever it was that we needed to do HIS will and not ours. 6 months later we were a couple – getting together not because we wanted to suss things out but because we loved each other. Let me be clear – it wasn’t an ‘I’m in love with you love’ though of course we were, it was a ‘I love you’ love – so much more powerful, so much more profound. It saw us through those difficult 12-18 months, and those difficult early months have prepared us with great communication skills which have seen us through a thoroughly blissful first 18months of marriage.
I suppose my point is, I am married. I love it. However, I remember not being married and I remember the confusion and the emotions and the struggle is was to be a Christian woman who wanted to honour and obey God and marry a Christian man and coming up empty. It bemused me then as it does now and if ANY of YOU have ANY thoughts…please feel free to share.
My final point – let’s establish a policy for this blog and all comments and choose to interpret them in a positive light. Blogging is hard because you can’t read people’s tones so let’s choose to give people the benefit of the doubt in their comments and not look for conflict or accusations. Deal?
I hope you have something to say – I’d love to hear it!