Louisa Claire

Read more posted in April, 2007

Time for some Controversy?


I recently stirred up some controversy, rather unwittingly, so I thought I’d raise the topic over here.

The poster was talking about why she is currently single and was referring to a book called “He’s Just not that Into You”. You can read the post to see what she was saying but the general gist was that if a guys keen he will follow up and if he isn’t then he won’t and that’s all there is to it (OK that last bit’s just me late on a Sunday night after a couple of glasses of red and a few big conversations today!)

It got me thinking though; when I was single, I found that it was the non-Christian guys I knew /encountered who expressed interest, whereas the Christian guys, even those I knew were interested (because they told my friends…go figure!!) never said anything. My question is, why is that??? I don’t think they hypothesis the author of “He’s Just not into You” (or whatever the actual title is) applies in Christian settings – at least not in my experience, nor in the experience of many of my friends -awesome, beautiful (both as people and aesthetically) women who are single long-term.

Anyway, I attempted to make this comment and hit a bit of a nerve amongst some men who thought I was having a bit of a go at ‘wussy guys’. I’m really not. I just don’t understand it. Marriage is awesome. I LOVE being married. I LOVE my husband. It is such a wonderful gift. In fact, looking back on my single days I think that God was looking after me, answering my prayers by guarding my heart (when I wasn’t always so keen on the idea!) so that now, when I look at the picture of my husband on my desk I feel so thankful! So why avoid it? Why not take some risks and see what God might have in store? I am thrilled I did, in fact I am just so thankful to God. And as many of you who have heard the Happy Husband and I talk about our early days together will know, we did it tough. Our relationship was not an easy ride for the first 12-18 months, but my constant prayer was that God would not let our sinful nature prevent something that HE wanted. It remains my prayer as a married woman, that God would not let our sinful nature prevent us from having the marriage HE designed; that in His Grace and Mercy HE would be at work in us, enabling us to behave in ways totally contrary to our sinful nature – as he did in our early days (if in doubt just ask Mel, Cat or Camille – they all saw it!) I actually remember the night it first happened – that I thought there might be something between the Happy Husband and I. We were sitting a Melbourne City bar on July 30, 2002 and he had just said “I’ve always had a thing for redheads” and then got up to go to the bathroom and I prayed ‘God if there is something here, please give him the courage to do something about it’. It was as I was praying that it occurred to me that perhaps it was I who had to do something and perhaps God wanted me to take as much of a risk as I wanted Happy Husband too – so I just asked God to be involved in the process and to give both of us whatever it was that we needed to do HIS will and not ours. 6 months later we were a couple – getting together not because we wanted to suss things out but because we loved each other. Let me be clear – it wasn’t an ‘I’m in love with you love’ though of course we were, it was a ‘I love you’ love – so much more powerful, so much more profound. It saw us through those difficult 12-18 months, and those difficult early months have prepared us with great communication skills which have seen us through a thoroughly blissful first 18months of marriage.

I suppose my point is, I am married. I love it. However, I remember not being married and I remember the confusion and the emotions and the struggle is was to be a Christian woman who wanted to honour and obey God and marry a Christian man and coming up empty. It bemused me then as it does now and if ANY of YOU have ANY thoughts…please feel free to share.

My final point – let’s establish a policy for this blog and all comments and choose to interpret them in a positive light. Blogging is hard because you can’t read people’s tones so let’s choose to give people the benefit of the doubt in their comments and not look for conflict or accusations. Deal?

I hope you have something to say – I’d love to hear it!


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Wonderful Words

“It’s just us.”

Aren’t these some of the greatest words you can hear?

I have been thinking about this since I had a slight ‘moment’ involving an overcooked poached egg last Sunday morning. (as a side note, I really think that if you don’t know how to cook a poached egg then it shouldn’t be on the menu, I also think that if you order eggs there should be 2 eggs and 2 pieces of toast, not 2 eggs trying to squish onto one piece of toast, but i am getting sidetracked).

We were out with our good friends Mr & Mrs Papadapadopolous the morning after Mr & Mrs Delicious’ wedding when the ‘egg situation’ occurred and I apologised for sending my eggs back and being one of ‘those people!’. That was when Mrs Papadapadopolous said, ‘Don’t worry about it, it’s just us.” This was not the first time the words have been said and yet for some reason, they really stuck with me.

Friends in that category are rare, and Mr & Mrs Papadapadopolous have applied the “it’s just us” principle under far more extreme, difficult, and personal circumstances than a poached egg for me to know that when they say “it’s just us” they mean it.

To me, that phrase means:
we care about you and are going to care about you even when this is over
we care about you and are not friends with you because we think you are 100% rational and reasonable all the time (in fact, we know you’re not!)
we care about you and aren’t going to judge you on this situation
we care about you and aren’t going to change our opinion about you because of this
we care about you and will be there for you, whatever you need, whenever you need it.

I have a few friends who fall into this category – Mr & Mrs Papadapadopolous are 2 of them.

The Happy Husband and I are a pretty open book, if you’ve spent much time with us then you know that we say what we think even when we disagree and try to do it in a respectful and loving manner (we’re not perfect though, refer to point 2 above!). We are happy to be honest about our relationship and some of our struggles and well as our many joys & celebrations! We see it as a helpful way of building trust and modelling God’s grace with those we love and those we lead. When we are with Chris & Jazz though, we are truly transparent. There’s not much that we wouldn’t talk about openly and honestly with them – in fact, to date no topic has been off limits. I like to think they feel the same, the conversations certainly reflect it! Our friendship with them is one of the things in my life that I am most grateful to God for, so if you are reading guys – I thank God for the friends you are to the Happy Husband and I. You’re the best!


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Men and Women

My mum just send me this email forward. I am sure many of you will have seen it before but it’s just so funny, and so spot on (!!!) that I wanted to share it with you again.

The difference between men and women
Let’s say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time.
A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else. And then, one evening when they’re driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: “Do you realise that, as of tonight, we’ve been seeing each other for exactly six months?”
And then there is silence in the car.
To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he’s been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I’m trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn’t want, or isn’t sure of.
And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.
And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I’m not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I’d have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?
And Roger is thinking: so that means it was let’s see, February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer’s, which means lemme check the odometer Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.
And Elaine is thinking: He’s upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I’m reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship,
more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed – even before I sensed it – that I was feeling some reservations Yes, I bet that’s it. That’s why he’s so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He’s afraid of being rejected.
And Roger is thinking: And I’m gonna have them look at the Transmission again. I don’t care what those morons say, it’s still not shifting right.
And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It’s 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.
And Elaine is thinking: He’s angry. And I don’t blame him. I’d be angry too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can’t help the way I feel. I’m just not sure.
And Roger is thinking: They’ll probably say it’s only a 90-day warranty… scumbags.
And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I’m just too idealistic, Waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I’m sitting right next to someone I do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centred, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.
And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I’ll give them a warranty. I’ll take their warranty and stick it right up their… “Roger,”
Elaine says aloud.
“What?” says Roger, startled.
“Please don’t torture yourself like this,” she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. “Maybe I should never have … Oh God, I feel so…”
“What?” says Roger.
“I’m such a fool,” Elaine sobs. “I mean, I know there’s no knight. I really know that. It’s silly. There’s no knight, and there’s no horse.”
“..there’s no horse?” says Roger.
“You think I’m a fool, don’t you?” Elaine says.
“No!” says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.
“It’s just that it’s that I need some time,” Elaine says.
(There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.) “Yes,” he says.
(Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.) “Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?” she says.
“What way?” says Roger.
“That way about time,” says Elaine.
“Oh,” says Roger.
“Yes.” (Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.) “Thank you, Roger,” she says.
“Thank you,” says Roger.
Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he’s never heard of.
A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it’s better if he doesn’t think about it.
The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours.
In painstaking detail, they will analyse everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification.
They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either.

Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine’s, will pause just before serving, frown, and say: “Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?”

And that’s the difference between men and women.


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Pos’ Wedding

So Normac became Possal on Saturday (really Possla but that doesn’t sound as good).

It was a great day!

This is the song they walked down the aisle too… press play so you can listen to it while watching the pretty pics!!

http://youtube.com/v/2A2Jt4WOxN8

How about I tell you how Kristy and I became friends? We met when I moved to Melbourne in 2002 and joined a St Jude’s biblestudy group. Kristy and I quickly found ourselves the only girls in the group so naturally became friends (also quite quickly!). I feel very lucky that we were the only girls in the group because we are actually quite different, and I fear that with more people around we mightn’t have developed the friendship we did. See, Kristy is one of the nicest, kindest, most lovely people I know – not words people generally use when describing me; I fall in the loud, outgoing, extroverted, friendly category rather than the sweet, genuine, kind category which Kristy belongs to. Nonetheless in God’s generous will and timing he brought us to be friends and we had a great year in that Biblestudy.

Later that year another friend (Camille) and I were looking to move in together and so we roped in Kristy and also Jazz and the four of us took up residence in the xxx house. Jazz proclaimed that she was a ‘really good judge of character’ and our landlord met her standards. I share this only because we moved out at the end of the year because this landlord was not the gentleman he had appeared to be. At the advice of the local constabulary once we were out we stayed away but that’s another story that I need to be a whole lot braver to write about here.

Anyway, we moved in, 4 single girls (except for Pos but she soon came to her senses and joined us in the single ranks) and by the end of the year, in fact, within about 3 months Cam, Jazz and I had begun dating the men were to marry!! It was the house of love and we had bets on who would be married first – I still owe Pos a box of choccies come to think of it. Unfortunately Pos’ love was doomed (though, we all breathed a sigh of relief at this!) but she was merrily going along her way.

At the end of the year in xxx house, Cam, Kristy and I moved around the corner to Queens Pde where we lived together for another 2 years until I moved out to get married, follwed by Cam. During our time together Kristy and I became really close friends, almost like sisters really. It was an honour to have Kristy as a bridesmaid in my wedding and an honour to be her bridesmaid on Saturday.

This is Jazz, Cam & I on my wedding day…

Here’s Kristy, Cam & I on Cam’s wedding day…

Early last year Kristy and Chris met and fell in love!! Chris is a great guy who defintely meets our standards…So on Sat, the four single girls became four married girls!!

Here we all are, together finally(!) on Kristy’s beautiful day…

I might post my wedding speech to them a bit later to tell you what I really think!! For now, I hope you’ve enjoyed this little trip down memory lane & will be back later to see some more happy naps and maybe some more musings about friendships…


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Another Quiz

I just took this quiz – pretty quickly, I must confess. It’s interesting though…take it yourself and see how accurate you think it is.

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion:

You have high extroversion.
You are outgoing and engaging, with both strangers and friends.
You truly enjoy being with people and bring energy into any situation.
Enthusiastic and fun, you’re the first to say “let’s go!”

Conscientiousness:

You have high conscientiousness.
Intelligent and reliable, you tend to succeed in life.
Most things in your life are organized and planned well.
But you borderline on being a total perfectionist.

Agreeableness:

You have medium agreeableness.
You’re generally a friendly and trusting person.
But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism.
You get along well with others, as long as they play fair.

Neuroticism:

You have low neuroticism.
You are very emotionally stable and mentally together.
Only the greatest setbacks upset you, and you bounce back quickly.
Overall, you are typically calm and relaxed – making others feel secure.

Openness to experience:

Your openness to new experiences is high.
In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas.
You’ll try almost anything interesting, and you’re constantly pushing your own limits.
A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.


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Slack, Slack, Slack

Hi everyone who’s still out there!! Thanks for sticking with me even though I have been incredibly slack about this blog over the past few weeks!!

The Happy Husband and I have just returned from Mr & Mrs. Delicious’ wedding in Warnambool. It was a beautiful day and I will be posting some pics tomorrow – and also other fun things to share…I just have to think of some ;)

Just kidding!

Thanks for sticking with me – see you back here tomorrow :)


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